#especially bc it’s so late like. okay then guess I’ll fuck myself.

[chipjrwibignaturals]

diversity loss! local autistic forced to deal with plans being suddenly changed

[majoryeager104]

can you write ua touya but with a so? i love the way you picture this aaaaaa😭😭

of course pooksss omg thanks for the request <3

High school Touya x gn!reader

summary: Touya as your boyfriend going to UA together. First half Headcannons then an x reader bc I’m down bad too 😭😭😭

warnings: language, crackhead behavior from Touya, as usual

High school Touya would be an absolute PAIN

ESPECIALLY if you’re his lover

I think he’d be a dry texter. Like dry as fuck

”Touya ur 30 minutes late to class?! Where have you been 😭😭😭”

”Omw” TEN MINUTES LATER.

SMH

he tries to act aloof and cool to his other classmates but really he just comes off as a major asshole

which he claims is even better

But really he’s just a big softie

he loves the attention and affection that, with his pretty eyes and whiny charming nature, he can very easily get from you.

He’s so upfront about it too

hear me out for a sec

He’s got the good grades, okay? He’s got all a’s he doesn’t play around. 

But he’ll bug the life out of you anyways

He’ll ask you to help him with his homework and act like he doesn’t know anything about the subject 

Just so he can hear you talk

Oh, and then when you’re done he’ll roll his eyes and be like

“Do you ever quit yapping?”

With that smirk (you know the one)

and if you turn him down? Pouts all day.

you won’t get away with it, he always has the last laugh. (Observe teehee)

————————————————————————

“hey doll-“

“not doing it”

you shut your locker with a thud, immediately turning away from him and his Cheshire Cat grin

“Please? I really need help this time”

he pouted, pulling you back towards him to give you those big sad blue eyes of his, his white, fluffy hair barely concealing the mischief behind them. “no Touya, I’m barely keeping up with this assignment myself-“

“we can study together-“

you shot him a glare, and he pouted even more, crossing his arms as he averted his gaze with a huff. “fine. I guess I’ll just fail then.”

he said, barely able to contain his smirk as an idea popped into his head, but you saw it, rolling your eyes with a tired smile. What was he up to now?

1:30 PM

Touya (dni)

baby please

you

NO. SHOO 😤

————————————————————————

Soon enough, classes were dismissed, and you were walking alongside each other on your ways home. You lived nearby, so he always walked you home, on top of that, he’d carry your schoolbag for you, pulling it from your grip with a wink. “that looks heavy doll”

He swung it over his shoulder, carrying both his bag and yours with a smirk widening on his face

“what’re you up to?”

You giggled, watching his expression as the two of you approached your house. “Oh nothing. Can’t a guy help out every once in a while?” He pouted, once again failing to hide his wide grin as he walked you to the door. “Do you wanna come in or something?” You said cautiously, smiling as you realized his plan, or so you thought. “Eh, for a minute I suppose” he shrugged, his grin growing. You rolled your eyes, opening the door as he let you inside in front of him. You waved to your mom in the kitchen, who smiled when she saw you two, greeting the two of you as she walked out of the kitchen towards you. She gave you a hug, and then looked at Touya

“Thanks so much for coming by to help with y/n’s homework, Touya, I don’t know what she’d do without you”

“Of course! I’ll gladly help her anytime she needs it”

your eyes widened as you looked over at him, a triumphant grin on his face. His plot clicked in your head, those knowing blue eyes of his sending you a wink as he pulled you towards your room

“cmon Y/n! Wouldn’t want those grades of yours to slip!”

[alwastakenofc]

ITS TIMEEEEE !….

i finally got my student loans figured out (aside from this stupid ass $55 late fee apparently put on my account after they already started the transfer of the remaining loans to my bank…???????? idfk, i’m stressed abt that LOL but at least it’s not Thousands in the hole like it was before, it’s just $55 i need to pay…. PLS GIMMIE MY LOAN REFUND SO I CAN PAY THAT RLY QUICK AND BE DONE WITH THIS ALL FOR THE SEMESTER, EDUCATION GODS!!!) and i’m all enrolled!! AND !!! i have a professor from a couple years ago that was SO understanding and helpful when i was failing outta his and another professor’s class (bc my mom’s cancer was rly kicking in and i was her full time caregiver and doing Everything around the house) and im taking his class again!! im rly surprised bc i was Definitely in bad financial standing in 2022 when i failed out, but for some reason i can still get my financial aid and they couldn’t find any record of me being in bad financial standing??? and im just like, OKAY COOL WHATEVER!! IM NOT QUESTIONING IT BC I NEED ALL THE FINANCIAL AID I CAN GET FOR THESE LAST 2 SEMESTERS!!

( ・∇・)

so !!! anyways, i saw some video abt some girly vaping for 7 years and getting some mf holes in her lungs and that scares me as someone with mf asthma already LOL so i rly do wanna/need to quit vaping, but idk i feel like i might stick to it for this semester LMAO then after this semester i’ll be Done and will Quit during my japanese language semester bc i wanna be FULLY FOCUSED.

i also wanna quit wax/dabs again, i went on a lil bender of smoking weed for like 2 1/2 weeks Straight and built my tolerance right back up so that’s annoying. i want to be Sober during my classes/the weekdays and save smoking for the weekends. i will say i am glad i have been keeping drinking to the weekends as well but mannnnn my roomie and i had a massive drinking and gaming sesh like a week and a half ago and im tryna not drink like that again LMAO, i drank a little a couple days ago for the weekend but def not as much as when we drank together a week and a half ago LOL.

aaaaaannnnnyways yea i’m stressed abt going back to college and ESPECIALLY for my japanese classes LOL i rly gotta like relearn EVERYTHING and hope for the best within…. 4 months? it shouldn’t be TOOOOOOO bad, it’s mainly just the semester of japanese that i fucked up in 2022 that i gotta rly practice. just the whole of the genki 2 book i rly should commit myself to learn tbh. yea that’s prolly a good goal LOL. get them *words and kanji specifically* memorized; listening and speaking is easier for me i guess, it’s lit just remembering how to write and what is what when writing that is hard!!! 😭😭😭 ugh!!!! if anyone has any reccs for apps or books to help practice 2nd year japanese for university pls lmk, i got some apps (screenshots below) and like i said, the genki books, that i use rn!!

alrighty well, next up LMAO. i can’t mf WAAAIT to graduate bc i mf WANT TO GET A NICE JOB AND MOVE OUT ON MY OWN WITH MY KITTIES SO MF BADDDDDD ‼️😥🙂‍↕️ like im so nervous thinking abt it but then i also get so excited !!! and imma try to find smth to transfer to in japan maybe after working in a govt position for a couple years; i would wanna see if i could choose to work in a specific prefecture with my experience as a TESOL teacher (esp if i keep doing my online TESOL job like MWF or smth? keep building the experience for that while also building experience in a professional setting??? oooohhhhhhhhh?!?!?!) or if i could even work with a japanese or american business that’s stationed in a big city in japan as a correspondent???? idk that could be fun LOL but i dont have Business experience…. unless its some educational business, that could be interesting!?!?!?!? idk the possibilities are endlessssssss ugh. esp if after a couple years i can maybe take my remaining 2-3 classes i needed for my japanese minor and get the certificate for that eventually …???? OR i just go back to college and get a separate bachelor’s by majoring in japanese only???? LOL idk maybe japanese business idk that would be fun!!!! ok i have a lot of things to think abt now that ive started considering LMAO.

good stuff, okay! i’m done heheh, have a good one all 😋 see ya when the semester starts bc i’ll be rly stressed out i’m sure 😅

PS don’t mind duo laying there in the background of the screenshots, i haven’t rly used duo in a hot minute so the green bird is angy at me 🤓

[iraprince]

this might not be something you personally have difficulty with, but i was recently diagnosed with severe adhd and i was wondering if you had any tips regarding just like….drawing?? i have such a hard time getting started even though i usually end up feeling pretty stoked and happy with my work if i manage to get something down. i used to draw constantly as a kid to help me focus in class, but in my adult life i just feel like there are so many invisible barriers between myself and putting pencil to paper. i’m sure there are a lot of perfectionism issues involved as well, so i guess just any sort of advice in any of those areas would be greatly appreciated! your work is fantastic and i’m really grateful that you share adhd stuff as well!! have a great day! :o)

i actually have a LOT of difficulty with this -- i have more difficulty than i have advice, probably! but my advice always ends up boiling down to the same thing lately, and it sounds really hokey but i mean it as literally as possible bc it's the only thing that consistently works for me: be fucking nice to yourself!

for a long time the only solution i had to being Inexplicably Unable To Do Something was to yell at myself, bully myself, assume that i wasn't trying hard enough, and end up a miserable little ball of confusion and frustration. it was def worse before i was diagnosed, but it's definitely not gone (sometimes "i don't know why i can't just do it!" just gets replaced with "well, i know what the problem is, so why can't i find a way around it?!"). and after many many years of experience with the bullying reaction vs a much shorter time comparing this reaction to other, kinder approaches, i can say with a lot of confidence that handling it with internal yelling and shaming doesn't work, straight up. it's not helpful, and most of the time it makes things worse -- even if you manage to force yourself to complete a task once or twice like this, it's too exhausting and demoralizing to be sustainable. so, while you haven't mentioned frustration in your question, that's still where my mind goes as a first step: if you're experiencing distress or anger or embarrassment over running into those barriers over and over again, the first step is practicing being calm and forgiving, not immediately trying to find a way around it. once you hit the wall and you find you can calmly go "oh, okay! this isn't working. let's figure out why" instead of immediately launching into "what the fuck is WRONG with me????", finding solutions is a lot easier.

the times i've surprised myself by having things just suddenly Flow after a long period of struggling are usually brought about by a ton of excitement and enthusiasm! i get really into a rarepair and i'm gripped with the need to make my own content, or i make a new oc who i really love, or i get back into a piece of media i haven't touched in a while and get all charged up with excitement. you gotta feed the tank to make stuff, so setting time aside to consume stuff that inspires and excites you is just as important as setting the time aside to actually sit down and try to draw.

another thing that has helped me is trying to be really purposeful abt reminding myself WHY i draw; sometimes, especially since it's my job, the images i'm supposed to be making just turn into this big featureless stack of Tasks instead of me really thinking about + appreciating what i do and why i love it. when i'm in a rut with commissions, for example, sometimes before i even try to start working (or if i HAVE tried to start and it's just not happening), i stop and sit down with the wips and really LOOK at them. i go through them one at a time and point out things i like about them or what i'm looking forward to doing: "the pose came out so good on the first try and i want to see what it'll look like finished," or "detailing all this hair is going to be so fun and relaxing." when you get so caught up in the constant repeated thought of "i just want to DO something, i want to DRAW," especially when it's been days or weeks or months where you can't, i think you can unconsciously start replacing "i want to draw because it's fun and i like what i make" with "i want to draw because i keep failing to and i just want to prove i can still do it," and for me the latter thought is usually way more distressing than it is motivating.

and finally, a failsafe: sometimes, when i can remember to do it, my secret weapon is counting down at myself for the tiniest steps possible. like i'll literally say out loud, "on the count of five, i'm going to stand up and go get my sketchbook. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5...." it has to be out loud and i think the reason it works is because like. if you say it out loud, reach five, and you don't do it, you feel astronomically goofy??? and then i just go from there: "on the count of 5, i'm going to find an empty page." "on the count of 5, i'm going to start sketching a head." it kind of forces through the executive dysfunction in a way i haven't really been able to replicate with anything else. it doesn't always work in a super meaningful way -- like, plenty of times i do like three steps and then i'm like "i hate this and i don't want to and i'm not gonna make anything good like this so i give up!" and then i just take the L for the afternoon. but when the "frozen in place, literally cannot stop just staring at the page" thing is the main issue, it might be enough of a push to get going!

as always here's me going "oh oop no i dont have a lot sorry" and then rambling for paragraphs and paragraphs but by now we should be used to that. good luck, and remember 2 be patient + nice :D

[swtki]

HP Boys: Surprise Pregnancy Head Cannons

Summary: The HP boys and their reaction to their s/o (afab) being pregnant when its not planned.

A/N: This takes place post Hogwarts so all characters are 18+, though no real smut happens in this so its not an 18+ fic.

WARNINGS: UNPLANNED PREGNANCY, MENTIONS OF PRO CHOICE OPINIONS, MENTIONS OF SEX IN LITE TERMS, SWEARING, FLUFF, MENTIONS OF ALCOHOL, ALSO THIS IS SUPER LONG SORRY LOL

Draco

So everything is going great for the happy couple, you two just moved into a flat together and are working normal jobs, drinking wine like adults.

And sure, Draco knows he wants to marry you, but he knows you’re not ready to settle down like that so he just plans and dreams.

Due to poor choices, when you’re late by two weeks, you know what it probably is.

Draco doesn’t even notice that you ran out to the store and came back and hid in the bathroom for 10 minutes. CEO of minding his own business ig

You just kinda...walk up to him and hand him all 3 tests while your eyes fill with tears because what if he demands you get an abortion?

Or what if he fucks off to god knows where?

But instead he just looks at you with the most un-draco like smile. Like his face was soft and it looked like he could cry any moment.

“Oh my god,” He says, putting his hand on your belly, “I can be ready for this, but if you aren’t then we can you know...”

“No, I want it” then both of you rejoice bc yay baby!

Cut to 6 months later when your feet hurt so bad you have to lay down and watch while Draco fails to put a crib together.

He eventually gets it done tho.

And when the time comes, he’s built and arranged everything for your bundle of joy.

Harry

So you guys are probably already married, but with everything at the ministry going on, it makes Harry less than a family man.

You both agree that it’s probably better to wait so you can be home and yk...raise it.

Well smart man Harry forgets that to not have a kid you need to use protection.

So of course when your period is late you don’t think about it, until its four weeks late.

That night, you and Harry are laying in bed, and thats when you tell him.

“Harry..I’m late.”

“Late for what?” headass.

You: 😳😐

Him: 👁👁😲😲

He’s hesitant to say anything, because he knows its ultimitley up to you what happens with it until its out.

“I think I want to keep it...you know it wont remember much for the first year and a half so if things are stressful it will be okay and-“

“Love...Its going to be perfect”

Mf built the crib in like 45 minutes I swear.

And of course he forced you to keep up with your vitamins, pre natal care, and appointments.

Swear tho you’re about to kill him because cofFeE

But the way he holds your baby 🥺 its his most valued thing ever now.

Ron

Ron is iffy on the kid thing sometimes.

He does want them, but only later when you guys have lived and travled.

So no, you two haven’t planned nor is it even in the picture when your wedding roles around.

It’s in the early days of the marriage when you see his family at the burrow on the way back from the honeymoon.

And of course Molly knows

Because Weasleys are hyperfertile I swear.

She takes you into the kitchen and puts her hands on your arms, shes got that big Mrs.Weasley smile on too.

“I knew it!” She says and pulls you in for a hug, “How far dear??”

You’re just standing there like🧍🏻

“I can see it by the way you glow! Oh my you and my Ron must be so happy!” This woman doesn’t notice that you’re confused.

“Wait what? Mrs. Weasley what are you-?” Then you count the days, “Oh. Well I guess I just found out for myself”

Her face falls slightly, but then she tells you can make you a potion that will tell you if you are or not, stan.

The stupid potion turns green when you spit into it, so everything is confirmed.

That night, you and Ron are getting ready for bed in the guest room and you decide to tell him.

“Ron, sweetie. We need to talk.” He looks like he’s gonna start crying but sits next to you on the bed.

“Y/N...I know its scary but please, we just got married I don’t want to divorce quite just yet 🥺🥺”

“Ron I-“ you start smiling, “I’m pregnant you dufus.”

He just freezes, for a while. Not saying anything, he just looks at the wall with his mouth ajar.

So you get up and go to Ginny.

“Gin, I broke him.”

“Ew, I don’t want to know about how you and him”

“No, I told him that I’m pregnant.”

“Oh, yeah that would do it. Just I don’t know... Give him a minute?”

You give him several, getting a glass of water then heading back up to the room.

Ginny was right, he needed a minute.

“I don’t...I wasn’t...you were.?”

“You don’t have to stay, but I think we can do it. Plus, you would disapoint your mom if you left so...”

“Okay...we’ll do it. I’ll be the best damn Father you have ever seen.” He says, talking to your womb.

Well...he’s a father I’ll give him that.

Pro of having a Weasley baby: free crib thats already put together.

Even if it looks like a death trap.

“We’ll put some blankets over it don’t worry”

You know how some Dads hold their parters hand during the delivery? Yeah he got sick and was moral support from the outside.

To be fair, you weren’t screaming in pleasure by any means.

Scary. But beautiful.

He shows the kid to everyone, he might be more in love with the baby than he is with you.

Ron see’s the appeal of having kids now.

Neville

Moving in with your boyfriend is always fun, right up until you guys go at it so much you forget protection more than once.

You think about it, then move on with your day.

Until the doctor calls, then “oh fuck”

Romance Neville bf

“Why aren’t you having any wine? I thought it was your favorite?”

“I don’t think fetal alcohol syndrome is my favorite.” BRO HE SPAT

But he looks up with tears in his eyes, and runs over to you to grasp you in a hug.

“Oh my god! You’re pregnant! Oh my - We’re gonna be parents!! Oh my god we’re gonna be parents oh-“ Que you petting his hair till he’s calm again.

Lets be honest, this man probably swapped the herbology books for the parenting guides.

“Well I mean I’m just wondering if we should go with this color or this one”

“Nev, it doesn’t matter. Our baby will not care.”

“I read in my book that Infants actually can recognize mood in-“

He won’t let you do anything during your pregnancy.

Gotta love a man who cries because he loves you so much and you’re having his kid.

“I never had a father, what if I do it wrong? What if the baby hates me and runs away at seven?”

“We’ve got quite a lot of time before then.”

He was there during delivery, letting you crush his hand like a champ.

You can’t help but cry when you see him sleeping on the floor next to the crib, its so sweet.

Fred

You two most likely already had two kids, so you decided to wait a bit so your hands weren’t quite full.

Well...your body decided not to wait.

A test provides the two lines, another wild child.

The two toddlers already run around like thing one and thing two, only with red hair.

I think Fred would gladly make the family dinner, and wear an apron. He’d own it, as he should.

But mf gotta not drop the salad bowl when you tell him of the fetus inside you.

“Fred we are going to have a bee-ay-bee-why.”

Your five year old has just begun to spell 😐

He’s happy tho.

Like over the fuckin moon.

He buys the two kids big brother/sister shirts too 🥺🥺

He knows the drill pretty well, so he isn’t too worried about the future.

But its funny that he still freaks out about the crib and feeding chair since he gave it away, you know because you guys werent having another kid.

He packed a hospital bag and kept it in the trunk, counting down the days.

Hours of delivery (He just sat back and held your hand) only to end up with a room full of 7 Weasley family members.

Fred always said that 3 was his lucky number :)

George

You guys were taking it slow, no marriage until you both felt it was time. And certainly no children before that.

Well you know...things changed when the test was positive.

You slid it over on the table, tears pooling in your eyes. He was stunned and quiet, which made you burst out sobbing because you knew that neither of you planned on having a baby.

But to your surprise he starts to smile.

“I want whatever you want, I’m staying by your side no matter what.”

“I mean...would it really be so bad? A house, a kid, a dog?” He holds your hand as you think aloud.

You both give it a week to think it over and the virdict is to keep it.

Thats when he decides he has to marry you, asap because he loves you and will never let you go especially now.

He loves to gush about the carrier of his child, to him you are a godess.

He’s the Dad with a predestination complex.

“Y/N, I just see him being a star quiditch player”

“George, we don’t know if it’s a him.”

He rolls his eyes “Okay then I can see her being a star-“

He made Hermione take you out for a movie date so he could rearrange your bedroom, since you only had a single bedroom flat.

You come back to a new set up including a cot.

Damn pregnancy hormones make brain go 🥺😭😭

He freaks when your water breaks lol

ceo of driving like a maniac to the hospital.

He can’t hold your hand, he’s pacing back and forth, sweating and maybe crying though he’ll never admit to it.

You get the joy of watching him cuddle the baby while refusing to give your child to you.

“George I’d like to hold-“

“No, you need your sleep honey, don’t worry”

Hogging the child.

Cedric

Its no secret that Cedric wants a baby someday.

And he makes it clear your wedding will be spectacular too.

However, finding out you’re pregnant the week of your dream wedding was a shock.

A shock that made you bang your head into the wall because how could you be so stupid?? We had a plan??

So you decide to wait until after the wedding, that way it wont add onto the stress (happy stress) of the wedding.

Cedric keeps trying to fill your glass at the reception, to which you kindly refuse saying you want to remember the night entirely.

Yeah he’s like 🤨 mhm okay.

You can only pick at the dinner because ew salmon doesn’t sound like an option if you want to keep the contents of your stomach.

As everyone waves goodbye to the car, and you both set off into married life, he leans over.

“I may be out of my mind, but are you...?”

“Pregnant.” His face lights up, pulling you into a hug.

Finally, your car pulls up to a small cottage with lush garden scapes all around, putting a hand out, he walks you both from the car to the door.

“Ced, where are we?”

“Home.”

Somehow it was perfect with Cedric, even when it was rushed.

He loved talking to your womb, even if it was weird that he was talking about the babies future brothers and sisters.

“Cedric, slow down. We haven’t even had this one yet”

Basically he is father of the year before he’s a full father.

He’s there while you deliver, holding your hand and telling you how great you’re doing.

He doesn’t even complain when you insult him <3.

He updates you on everything.

If his eyes aren’t on that child, he’s either asleep or dead.

I think Cedric was meant to be a family man, because he loves everything about being one.

Taglist: @truly-insatiable @amourtentiaa @imdoingathingmom @annasdani @anchoeritic @mullthingsoverinthehotwater @cedricsyellowscarf @faeinorbit

[kiraswritten]

(REPOST bc community guidelines lol request from @angryschnauzer​)

pairing: reader x bucky barnes warnings: smut, unprotected sex (pls be responsible n wear a condom!!), dirty talk (this is a given w me) a.n: pretty please can always get you a ton of things (especially when you ask bucky) and thank you so much for this mouth-watering request oh my gosh!! tbh i need bucky giving me a back massage too.

Thank you so much for 300 followers! I love and cherish every single one of you so much ♡♡♡

“Ah! Shit.” you wince, rubbing your left shoulder.

Bucky notices you in pain and immediately walks towards you, forgetting that he was talking to Clint moments prior to you arriving.

“I guess I’ll talk to you later then?” Clint shrugs his shoulders and turns around to walk towards the kitchen.

“You okay there Doll?” Bucky asked, his eyebrows knitted with worry.

You gave him a pained smile, nodding your head, “S’okay, nothing an ice pack can’t alleviate. I’m sure I won’t be able to work out for a few days but I’ll be okay, thanks for worrying about me Bucky.” You head for the med-bay, Bucky stands outside the room, waiting for you till you came out.

You had a small tendon strain on your shoulder, nothing too major but enough to keep you from training with the rest of the team for a week. Since you were an Avenger, your healing abilities were different from a regular person, though of course, you’d still need to recover.

You exited the med-bay and saw Bucky leaning against the wall opposite of the room, his arms crossed against his chest.

“So, what’s the verdict?”

“Can’t train for a week and I can’t go on missions for a whole three weeks, Doc said if I don’t listen I could tear a tendon. Guess I’ve been pushing myself too much lately.”

Bucky pats you on your uninjured shoulder, giving you a sympathetic smile.

“Is there anything I can do?” He asks, his voice trailing. Before you could reply, he claps his hands, coming to a realization, “How about I give you a massage? Could help your muscles out and ease some of the tension from your shoulders.”

“You sure Buck? I mean, you don’t have to.” You say, not wanting to make him feel obligated, though deep down inside, you’d want nothing more than Bucky touching you all over, you push your naughty thoughts to the back of your mind, focusing once more on the gorgeous man before you.

“No, I insist!” He says, wrapping his arm around you, pulling you close to his side, “Plus I offered, just bring your cute self to my room in half an hour and I’ll give you what you need.”

You feel your face heat up from his words, you wished he meant the other necessity you craved from your friend but nonetheless you nodded your head and went towards your room to change your clothes.

You knocked on Bucky’s door, wearing a loose-fitting tee and some spandex shorts, Bucky opened his door and grinned at you, moving out of the way to let you in.

The lights were dimmed and quiet sounds of streaming water played in the background, giving the ambience of a spa in Bucky’s room. You noticed he changed the sheets of his bed, he had a folded towel placed in the middle with a pillow right next to it.

“Okay, so uh… take off your top and once you’ve done that, cover your lower half with the towel and once you’re done just call for me and I’ll come back inside.” Bucky doesn’t look at you in the eyes whilst he said the instructions and began to leave the room before you stop him.

“No need for that, it’s just a shirt, we’ve all seen each other naked plenty.” You reply nonchalant, pulling off the top, revealing your breasts, Bucky gulped looking away.

You crawled onto his bed and placed the towel on your lower half, covering your bottom. You lied onto his bed with your front down, you looked up at Bucky waiting for him.

“O-okay, I’ll be straddling you while I massage you, is that okay?”

You nod your head, “Yeah, that’s okay, do what you need to Buck, I trust you.”

Bucky smiles and grabs an unlabeled white tub on his nightstand and opens it, you inhale the familiar smell, your whole body instantly relaxing.

“I mixed coconut oil and eucalyptus oil especially for you Doll, heard eucalyptus oil was good for muscle pain, and I know you like minty scents.” He says, taking a good amount onto his fingers, rubbing it all over his hands.

“Mmmm…” your eyelids flutter shut, feeling the different temperatures of his hands against your skin; his flesh hand against your skin felt great, the warmth from his hand melted the oil, he began to gently knead out the knots that were in your shoulders, the metal hand feeling icy cold, prickling your skin a bit, you jumped at the sensation but welcomed it once you got used to it.

His fingers were magic, both of them gently kneading out all the tight knots that formed in your shoulders, his flesh hand began to travel near your sprained shoulder, you sucked in air, bracing for the pain.

Bucky notices you tense and stopped his ministrations, “Doll, relax, it’ll hurt worse if you’re tense. Just trust me.”

You ease up and closed your eyes, breathing through your nose and out your mouth as Bucky began rubbing the injured area, going slow. At first you let out a hiss at the feeling, you were so sore and all you wanted was to recover already.

“You’re doin’ good Doll, just take slow breaths.” You followed his instructions, he continued to rub the area, the pain disappearing more and more.

Bucky then detaches his hands from your shoulders, moving downward and inward to your back muscles, spreading the warm oil across your back.

“Feels good Buck, ah,” you let out a sigh, accidentally moaning Bucky’s name in the process.

Bucky bites down onto his bottom lip, trying hard not to let the noises coming out of your mouth affect him so much.

He presses his palm into your spine, releasing some tension, causing you to moan once more, only louder this time.

“Oh, fuck, yeah Bucky, right there,” You say, your voice airy and light.

Bucky felt his cock twitch inside his pants, he licked his lips trying to to focus on giving you a good massage and not at your words.

“Oooh, Bucky,” You jerk your body from his touch, he kneaded on a particular place on your back that you’ve had the knot at for a while, “Just keep going there,” You tell him, all your words going straight to his dick, he mumbles a quick okay.

You try not to smile but you could feel his growing erection press against your ass as he continued to massage your back, you let out endless sighs and words of encouragement, each passing second you felt him grow harder and harder against your bottom, you let out a particularly loud moan that could have been mistaken for something from adult films, Bucky lets out a low groan from his throat, bucking his hips against your ass.

“Fuck,” he hissed, “You sound so good,” He mumbles under his breath, Bucky’s holding onto the last thread of self-control he had to not grind against you.

“Keep going Bucky,” You sigh, raising your ass to meet his thrusts, his hands fly to your waist, pulling you into his crotch, grinding his cock harder.

“Fuck, you feel good too Doll, please tell me this is okay,” He asks, his lower lip trapped in his teeth as he held onto you.

You nod your head and reply a weak ‘yes’, Bucky then gets off of you, kneeling next to you.

You push yourself off of his bed and turn your body so that you were facing him, you see Bucky’s eyes trail up and down, he licks his lips.

Bucky doesn’t hesitate for another second, your lips captured in his, you wrap your arms around his neck, your chest pressed up against his, you moan at the feeling of his metal arm grabbing onto your ass.

His tongue swipes across your bottom lip, asking for entrance in which you happily complied, feeling his warm tongue against yours, he tasted so good.

Bucky then wraps around his flesh arm around your waist, pulling your body onto his lap, never breaking the kiss, he makes you straddle his waist.

His metal hand leaves your bottom as he began to undress, starting with his grey sweatpants that did nothing to hide his large erection.

You pull away from the kiss, Bucky reluctantly does so, you help him get out of his clothes, pulling his dark t-shirt off of his body, revealing his thick and toned chest before you.

Your hands travel from his shoulders towards his abdomen, loving the feeling of his rippling muscles, you push down his boxers, leaving him naked. You quickly shed off your shorts, along with your underwear, revealing your soaking core to him.

He grabs you by your waist, pulling you into another fierce kiss, Bucky then aligns his dick with your entrance, rubbing the pre-cum onto your folds, you let out a whimper from the sensation.

Bucky bites down onto your bottom lip as he slipped his cock inside you, slowly. You could feel yourself get stretched out like never before, Bucky takes his time to sheath himself into you, enjoying how tight you were squeezing him.

“Fuck, you feel amazing, just a little more Doll, then we can have our fun.” He lets out a grunt, his whole length finally inside you.

You let out a tiny scream as you felt his tip graze at your gspot, your whole body numb from the pleasure, Bucky continues to thrust in and out of you, his pace never wavering, he lets out a grunt, nipping softly on your neck.

“Bucky,” you gasp as he sucks a love bite onto your neck, your pussy tightening on his cock, he lets out another moan, detaching his mouth from your skin.

“Fuck, your pussy feels so good, you close Doll? You’re pussy’s gripping on me so tightly, come for me Baby,” He snakes his flesh hand between your bodies, his fingers rubbing furiously on your clit, pushing you to the edge.

“Bucky!” You cry out loud as the two of you cum in unison, Bucky’s pace slowing down as he pumped his cum inside you, your arms lazily holding onto his neck, your whole body tingling.

Bucky captures your chin with his metal hand, averting your gaze to him, “You okay Doll?” He asks, his chest still heaving.

You nod your head, giving his lips a soft kiss, “More than okay, that was amazing. You reply.

Bucky grins pulling you into another mind-blowing kiss, the two of you stay in the same position till you had to break away from him to catch your breath.

“So… uh, I-I think it goes without saying but I’m in love with you Doll.” Bucky looks at you with hopeful eyes, you couldn’t help but melt at the sight of him flustered.

From the sex god you had the honor of experiencing first-hand to this lovable man you’ve fallen for ever since you met him, you couldn’t believe how lucky you were.

“Kinda guessed that when you, y’know,” You gestured to your crotch, Bucky’s cheeks flush, he pulls out of you, you let out a gasp from the feeling, he lets out a chuckle, kissing you on the cheek.

“I’ll be right back,” He says, making his way his bathroom, retuning with a warm washcloth to clean you up with.

With a change of bedsheets, you were tucked in Bucky’s arm, wearing nothing but one of his shirts, the two of you laid under his covers, Bucky staring at you with eyes of adoration.

“Buck, is there something on my face?” You say, feeling flustered by the attention.

Bucky shakes his head, pressing a light kiss onto your forehead, “No, I just, I can’t believe I have you in my arms right now. Feels like a dream.”

You bite down onto your bottom lip, “You’re so cheesy Buck, pretty sure our activities before would prove that this wasn’t a dream.”

Bucky nods his head, “Definitely, you feel so much better than any dream I’ve ever had.” He grabs your waist, turning you around so he could press his hard-on against your ass.

“Seriously Bucky? I need to recover!” 

[oikawaplssteponme]

The Apartment: part 5

▪️for parts 1-4, click here

pairing: Kuroo Tetsurou x fem! reader

rating/warnings: swearing, angst (?)

synopsis: You knew that living with your three best friends, Kuroo, Oikawa, and Bokuto, would be a wild ride. It’s never a dull moment with those three. Let’s just hope you can keep your huge crush on Kuroo a secret when he is only a room away.

a/n: hi friends✨i hope you all are doing well:)) just a friendly reminder to eat something today and stay hydrated 💕 as always, my inbox is open for anything and everything so feel free to reach out:) and the taglist for this fic is still open if you’d like to join✨ okay, enjoy xx

•

Five: best friends

“Okay do you have all your bags?” You asked. Bokuto nodded, holding a backpack and small suitcase.

“Yes Y/N.”

“And your phone? And your pillow, because I know you hate hotel ones. And-“

“Y/N calm down you’re going into ’mom mode’,” said Kuroo. You rolled your eyes.

“I just wanna make sure he has a good trip.”

“Akaashi will take care of him, don't worry,” smiled Kuroo.

“Do you not want me to have a good trip?” pouted Oikawa. You put your arm around him and smiled.

“Oikawa, I wouldn’t mind if you didn’t come back.” You joked.

“I fucking hate you,” he growled, pushing you away. You laughed and ruffled his hair.

“I love you both okay, now get out of here, Iwa and Akaashi are probably already outside,” you smiled. The four of you gathered for a group hug. Oikawa was off to his mini getaway with Iwa and Bokuto was joining Akaashi for his writers conference. The apartment would be just you and Kuroo.

“Hey, Y/N,” called Bokuto. He pulled you aside and whispered something in your ear.

“Remember what I told you.”

You sighed, remembering well what Bokuto had told you those days ago. You nodded.

“Farewell my lovely apartment! You two better not burn the place down while I’m gone,” said Oikawa.

“No promises,” smiled Kuroo. He pushed Oikawa out the door as Bokuto followed.

“Bye you two, we love you!” You cheered. Kuroo shut the door behind Oikawa and Bokuto, leaving you alone with him.

“You act like they’re never coming back,” laughed Kuroo.

“Not my fault I’ll miss them. I don’t remember the last time I went more than a week without them,” you explained. Kuroo nodded.

“Wanna grab some food after class?” Asked Kuroo. Your face felt warm.

“Uh yeah that sounds good.” You and Kuroo both had a lecture together today for your marketing course.

“Just give me 10 minutes and we can head to class,” you said. Kuroo nodded. You went inside your room and saw that Oikawa had left something on your bed. You picked it up and it read: “I suggest you use this before it expires”. You turned the card over, and saw that it was a coupon for 10% off a purchase at Party City. You groaned and threw the card away.

“Dickhead,” you mumbled.

“Who, me?” said Kuroo. You jumped.

“Kuroo oh my god you have to stop sneaking up on me like that,” you ordered. Kuroo laughed and sat down on your bed.

“Hurry up I don’t wanna be late.” You sighed and grabbed your jacket and shoes from your closet and slipped them on.

“Fine then let’s go.”

~

You and Kuroo walked a couple blocks to campus. Your lecture hall wasn’t too far away.

“A 3 hour lecture never gets easier,” you sighed. Kuroo patted your shoulder.

“Come on Y/N, don’t you just love getting all that knowledge thrown at you.” You rolled your eyes.

“Marketing is boring, even a nerd like you could agree,” you joked.

“Okay fair,” smiled Kuroo. The two of you reached the lecture hall and took a seat next to each other.

“Hi Kuroo! Mind if I sit here?” a voice said. You turned to see a girl standing next to Kuroo.

“Oh Calie, hi, yeah sure,” said Kuroo. The girl joyfully sat down next to Kuroo, causing you to clench your fists.

“Uh Calie, this is my friend Y/N, Y/N this is Calie, we have organic chemistry together,” explained Kuroo. The girl flashed you a dazzling smile. Great, she's pretty and smart. You shook her hand firmly.

“Wait aren’t you guys roommates too? That must be so fun living with someone like Kuroo,” giggled Calie. You gave her a sarcastic smile. I already hate this bitch.

“Yeah we’ve been friends forever so I definitely get my fair share of Kuroo.”

“Well you’re probably so sick of him, mind if I borrow him after the lecture?” She asked. Calie wrapped her hand around Kuroo’s bicep. You had to stop yourself from beating the shit out of her.

“Well actually-“ you began.

“Sure that sounds fun. You don’t mind right, Y/N?” said Kuroo. Is he being serious right now?

“So I’m supposed to grab dinner by myself?” You whispered, without thinking. Kuroo’s eyes widened. Calie gasped.

“You can come with us! I’d hate to leave you all alone,” She smiled.

“Yeah come with us,” said Kuroo.

“No no it’s fine, you two have fun. I’d rather be alone anyway,” you muttered. Before Kuroo could reply, your professor had walked in and began his lecture.

~

Your lecture felt longer than normal. Probably because all you could focus on was Calie’s giggles as she whispered with Kuroo throughout the whole 3 hours. Kuroo was always good with the ladies. His confident nature caused girls to be drawn towards him. Yes, you liked him too but you liked all of him, not just the surface level of Kuroo.

You tried to contain your annoyance with Calie and Kuroo. It was obvious she was flirting with him.

“See you next week,” said your professor as he wrapped up his lecture. You got up from your seat and began packing up your things. You didn’t look at Kuroo and headed right out the door.

You began walking back to your apartment when you heard Kuroo call after you.

“Wait Y/N-chan!” You turned around to face him.

“Are you sure you don’t want to hang with me and Calie? She’s really nice once you get to know her,” he said. You almost rolled your eyes.

“No it’s fine. I promised I’d FaceTime Oikawa now anyway,” you lied. Kuroo raised an eyebrow.

“Well if you say so. I’ll grab dinner with you tomorrow, okay?”

“Yeah sure. Make sure you have your key to the apartment or else I’m locking you out,” you said. Kuroo laughed and nodded.

“Bye Y/N!” cheered Calie. You gave her a wave and watched as Kuroo ran back towards her.

-

You walked back to your apartment, upset. Kuroo had every right to hang out with other girls but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. It was just another reminder that Kuroo might not share the same feelings as you.

The apartment felt weird being so empty. All dark and quiet. You threw your keys on the counter and plopped onto the couch. You checked your phone and saw a plethora of texts from Oikawa.

i've been in the car FOREVER -sent 5:35pm

my legs are cramping -sent 5:40pm

do you think if i asked Iwa to stop for a bathroom break he would be mad? -sent 5:41pm

bc we just stopped 30 minutes ago and i said i didn’t need to go -sent 5:43pm

but now i do -sent 5:47pm

update: he stopped for me🤩 -sent 6:01pm

y/n answer me -sent 6:37pm

im bored -sent 6:38pm

you better be buying that maid costume -sent 6:40pm

that coupon expires soon -sent 6:41pm

btw bokuto forgot his pillow but he told me not to tell you -sent 6:52pm

oops -sent 6:52pm

wyd -sent 7:03pm

You laughed at your phone. Good to see you weren’t the only one missing your friends.

well im currently sitting alone in the apartment as kuroo ditched me for some girl -sent 7:15pm

HE DID WHAT -sent 7:18pm

maybe im being dramatic but he’s kinda on a date with some girl from his organic chemistry class -sent 7:19pm

i bet she’s ugly -sent 7:19pm

no she’s gorgeous -sent 7:20pm

fuck

well

im gonna beat his ass

how dare he -sent 7:20pm

it’s fine

maybe it’s better im alone rn anyway

gives me time to get over him -sent 7:21pm

come on hun

don’t say that

don’t give up -sent 7:25pm

idk toru

i feel like it’s never gonna happen

especially when he could have someone like her -sent 7:27pm

bokuto said it best: kuroo would be stupid not to like you -sent 7:28pm

i guess he’s stupid then -sent 7:30pm

:(((

okay Iwa and I got to our hotel but I’ll talk to you later okay love? -sent 7:33pm

okay

bye shittykawa -sent 7:34pm

why do you hurt me? -sent 7:35

You set your phone down and checked in the kitchen for anything worth eating. You weren’t in the mood to go out anymore.

Rice. We have rice. Well, rice it is.

You took out the rice cooker and began to prepare your sad dinner.

Why didn’t I just go with them?

As the rice cooked, you sat down on the couch and turned on the TV. You put on ‘Gilmore Girls’, wishing your friends were there to watch it with you.

~

It was late. Close to 11pm. Kuroo still wasn’t home. You laid on the couch, basking in your loneliness. A little dramatic yes but you hated being without your friends. It was a weird concept that they had friends beside you.

You heard keys jingle outside the door and you felt a wave of comfort come over you, knowing it had to be Kuroo. You got up from the couch and peaked at the door.

“I was starting to wonder what happened to you…” your voice trailed off when you saw that Kuroo wasn’t alone.

“Hey Y/N! Oh my gosh your apartment is so cute!” said Calie. Your jaw dropped and you looked over at Kuroo.

Your expression had to be screaming: “are you fucking kidding me right now!?”

“Oh uh thanks,” you muttered.

“Is it cool if Calie stays for a bit? Her roommates are having people over and she doesn’t know them too well,” explained Kuroo. Hmm I wonder what that’s like.

“You don’t have to ask me, it’s your apartment too,” you said plainly. Kuroo raised a brow.

“Just checking…”

Calie walked around your small apartment, admiring all the decorations that you had up.

“Aw isn’t this the cutest photo!” She said. She picked up a picture of you and Kuroo. It was when you had gotten dressed up together to take graduation pictures. Your smile was the brightest it’s ever been. Holding your diploma as Kuroo wrapped his arm around you. In the background of the photo you could see a faint image of Oikawa and Bokuto.

“Yeah I love that picture,” Kuroo smiled. Kuroo took the photo from Calie’s hand and looked at it.

“Best friends, right?” He looked at you. Your heart sank.

“Yup, best friends,” you whispered with a dull smile. Kuroo smiled and showed Calie to his room. You tried not to react. You walked over to your room, locked the door, and curled up onto your bed.

Is best friends all we are ever gonna be?

•

[taglist OPEN: @vangoghpoets @vangoghmusings @lilnuances @tetsoleil @cloudswritings @foxyyychan @tamaguchi @jessie9008 @bitandbytes @yeehawnana @166cm @bigchaosenergy @tumbledor3 @captain-janeway @answer-the-sirens @simpletype @ysatrap @stinkybitch1919 @bokutory ]

[windsweptlassie]

On Love

So as you know I made this uquiz with an open-ended question at the end, tell me something about love, and I’ve gotten the most wonderful responses! They range from descriptions of wonderful partners: 

Lauren: oh, how long I went without being myself until I met him and he showed me who I truly was and that my worth was higher than I ever thought was possible

Levi: I love who we are with each other. I love who I am with you. In your company I am me. In your company I am the best of me. The best with the best, I've told you. I wouldn't give you up for anything

Daniel: i fell in love for the first time when i was 17... at the time, i didn’t realize it was the first time, i thought i’d been in love before, a couple times actually, but falling in love at 17 was such a fulfilling experience, it felt so forceful yet so right. it’s when i first truly understood what love was. never before had i felt so understood and so cared for as i did when i was in love with her, and she was in love with me. it’s been nearly 4 years since then, and nearly 3 years since we broke up and stopped talking, and still, i think about her almost every day. i’ve never known anyone like her; to me, she was love itself.

El: oh i’m in love with everyone that i know op!!! especially my girlfriend, of course ,but also my friends and my family and random people on the street and uh

Grace: i’ve met my soulmate and we plan on getting an apartment and marrying after college

A: I’m going to ask the woman I love to marry me and I just wanted to tell someone because I am so excited

Jeremy: you ever have that feeling where basically after years of denying that someone couldnt understand you in a way or love you and then the next thing you know you happen to find that person and its just great from then on out? idk how to explain it anyways I love my boyfriend so much he means the world to me

Lucy: i am so happy i have found the one i love

to descriptions of best friends and favorite people:

Nightbyrd: Love is a hug from an alzheimer's patient who hasn't the foggiest idea who you are, but they know you're worth hugging.

H: I have been doing so much yoga with my roommate recently!! It's a great way to center my mind for an hour

Riv: [platonic] i’ve literally never met anyone who understands me in the way that my best friends do. they’re literally the best people in the whole world and i genuinely don’t know what i’d do without them. i love them with my whole heart

Cillian: when i talk about how much i love my best friend i get so teary eyed because i cant believe that such a genuinely wonderful person wants to speak to me every day - i care for her more than anyone else on this planet

O: my two besties are my sources of happiness and they’re so pretty i would die for them :D

to beautiful quotes:

Kai: "you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on." DARCYYYY PLS MY HEART CANT HANDLW THIS PAIN

Dorian: When the plane went down in San Francisco, I thought of my friend M. He’s obsessed with plane crashes. He memorizes the wrecked metal details, ____the clear cool skies cut by black scars of smoke. Once, while driving, he told me about all the crashes: The one in blue Kentucky, in yellow Iowa. How people go on, and how people don’t. It was almost a year before I learned that his brother was a pilot. I can’t help it, I love the way men love. (accident report in the tall, tall weeds- ada limon, bright dead things)

Adam: every day I think about lemony snicket I will love you if I never see you again I will love you if I see you every Tuesday or however it goes. and it KILLS ME. love only fits in small things

Hero: “Your heart beats in my ribs and mine in yours, and both in God’s… The divine magnet is in you, and my magnet responds.” - Herman Melville to Nathaniel Hawthorne

Mary: "Love is watching someone die."

Alex: "meet me at blue diner, i'll take coffee and talk about nothing baby"

Sparrow: "How dare you love me like you've never known fear?" and "For you, the world," and "Darling, I was born to press my head between your shoulder blades," and "Will you start where I end?"

V: " You want to die for love. You always have. " and "someone will remember us, I say, even in another time" are living rent free in my mind 24/7 and I'm shaking. When will I finally be not the only one falling ?

Sahar K: To love another person is to see the face of god!!!

Miriam: all the love in the world is useless when there is total lack of understanding- kafka

Juls: Don’t you think they are maybe the same? Love and attention

to practices of love:

Leo; i love feeling happy bc somebody that i love is happy and comfortable....like its not about me i just love seeing you smile. we are safe together...idk i just feel it bro

A: I like to think love is leaning on each other during the light or dark days. Its a personal mission of mine to find out who I am and what I want. Yet I never seem to find my place in this world and as I look and look , I realise the only place I can be myself even with or without the efforts to find myself was done on that day or not, I am always tired so shall I lean on you? And you can lean on me as well. I shall be your fig tree and you shall be my favourite willow tree.

L: It's too late at night to be soul searching, but it's a journey we all seem to find ourselves on these days.

Anthi: feeling safe and at home, I guess (also I love frogs)

Julia: ive found that loving someone is like becoming your own thesaurus. you have to find or come up with infinite ways to say, you’re beautiful, or, i love you. it’s a gift

Galexies: ive been writing letters to the person i'd love one day since i was 14. i write them in a little journal usually, but i've been digitizing them into emails and sending them to one account that i'll give to them someday. i'd like to put pictures, but i haven't been outside much recently so theres that. i wonder if they'd like the sunsets i have on file, or if they'd find my cat cute in a bowtie.

Caeles: Love is sharing fruit slices and making someone tea at random

Dundy: Love is sending your friends cursed shit and watching them react in horror

to crushes and potential loves: 

Jess: I have a crush on my roommate. It sucks, but it's also wonderful. I get to be around him all the time when we're at school. we share a life together; it's rather domestic. I think a lot about marrying him and being domestic with him forever. It won't happen, and I'll move on eventually, but I'll be happy with him for as long as I can. I hope you feel loved tonight, because you are. Sleep well.

Aki: I so desperately want to believe that love is fake because I’ve seen what happens when loved ones leave but whenever I start to convince myself that I’ll never love anyone my best friend messages me telling me she loves me. She’s the only person I’ve ever pictured having a future with but love scares me and I don’t really know what to do but I think as long as she’s with me in some way, I’ll be fine

Hi: her her i keep thinking abt her.... gonna see her in 8 days or so i really miss her. its ok if shes never gonna love me like i want her to really being her friend spending time with her makes me the happiest girl on earth.... outsold antidepressants

Kit: this guy i have a crush on has hypnotically dark brown eyes and he's wonderful and shows me kindness like no one else

Juno: my crush has all the stars in his eyes

Mads: When I have the courage to meet my eyes with hers, the world stands still

Be Nice To Me: Look bro I never do these but I am yearning to hold them SO badly right now and someone needs to know it besides me

to the trials of love: 

Pppppp: I just wanna love like from the movies and what I read about.. but everyone tells me that that’s fictional and rare to find in the real world and it sucks bc it seems like all the guys I’ve met are terrible and the norms of society are all about not respecting women and uthdjdjdk

Manny: I have been in love before and I will be again but I’m not now and I miss it

Ok: I don't think I've ever been in love, though I love many people. I am waiting for the day I look at someone and can say, YES. IT'S YOU.

Chloe: idk rn i'm like okay with my love and i'm happy so we'll see i'm just a little cautious rn bc my last partner told me i didn't know how to love

L: love is so fucking complicated I don't even know where to start

Corrin: He’s not real and it worried me that I will never allow myself to live or be loved because I will always be waiting for him

Sean: Good luck it dont exist

Serena: i want 2 b in love :(( </3

13: I don’t know anymore

M: I just really don’t like dealing with it lol

to beloved characters: 

Janaya: I’m madly in love with my comfort and kin character and I hope maybe in the afterlife I can relive a life with him in some sort of dimension

Jhgjdf: when i was a kid i had a crush on ash ketchum from pokemon and id always daydream about being a female pkmn trainer and meeting him and we fall in love

to advice and prose: 

Mikolai: Love is earth, gentle and soft at first flight but upon being broken, drowns you in the dry choking wastes of its consequences...

Thex: Your hands will not go cold without someone to hold them. I am here. I will be here.

Kat: it is the nearest proof to god that i find myself surrounded by people who love in a way that complements so wonderfully the way i love

H: believe in love out of spite believe in love to prove everyone wrong believe in love because you were told not to and we will not do what we’re told anymore believe in love because it’s the strongest act of teenage rebellion we have left believe in love because it’s easier not to and when is easy worth doing? believe in love because everything says otherwise but you are untouchable, you are your own, you are not made by their design believe in love because, perhaps, you are love

Ali: I used to want a kind of love that feels like coming home and now I want nothing more than to be away from home on many different adventures

Em: you dont need to love yourself to accept it from others

to the small, the simple, and the sweet:

Ireal: Poems

O: Flowers

Fay: ah im sorry that i’m feeling unmotivated but you are very kind.

Ad: we love LOVE

A: <3

Isak: small things

H: intense

Hey: Listening to a clock ticking away

S: her

E: <3

Hania: Amorous, I adore that word ^^

Catboy: wholesome

J: i love love so much it hurts

Emmy: hi i love the song darkest of discos!! try and give it a listen!! <3

Nora: Love is painful, but most of the time love is great

Ariel: i like the comfort it can bring

M: i love love

to food!

Cool Whip: Matzoh ball soup!!

Woop: I love sausages.... I hope that's ok with you?

and animals too <3

Nee: hmm i have pet geckos and i love them very much!

96: raccoons ????

DJ Big Penis: cats

:3: I Love frogs,,, love is stored in the frog,,,

I hope that this serves as a sweet compilation of what love means! Love to all of you, it warms my heart so much to hear about your people and your geckos and your characters and soup and all the songs and quotes you love. <3 Strength to all of you who are figuring out to do about your feelings for your crush, and congratulations to you who are proposing or moving in with your person! Your words are a source of light to me, truly.

[28dayslater]

okay so basically my question is, is uni as fun as it looks?

i'm 23 and never went, i couldn't even finish college bc of mental health and then i never knew what i wanted in life so thought it didn't matter that i didn't go right away and i kept meaning to like figure it out but then i fell into a job i really like and have been here for a few years now and am content enough. no one in my family went to uni so it was never expected of me so when i didn't go there were no consequences y'know.

but social media is full of people in/who just graduated uni and it looks so fun that i feel like i've missed out. people posting videos in their new accomodation and with their flatmates and becoming best friends and staying up all night, going out doing random things and just having fun and being young with no expectations, and i feel like i've never experienced anything in my life.

like i did some of it, i moved out but there's no parties, no events or societies or getting off with strangers. and i hate to admit it but i still only have a single friend, not the friend group i always wanted. i've been on nights out a few times but it's always different because i know i have to go to work tomorrow, it's never the carefree "i don't know where i'll wake up and that's fine just living in the moment" type of experience. everything is different as an adult i guess. i'm tired by 8pm and going out until 10 is late for me.

and like i know myself i know i would not do well in uni due to my mental health and i would have dropped out or failed, and honestly i do not want to study i do not do well in education. i like finishing work and not having to worry about homework or whatever, but i really wish i could have experienced the social side of uni. i don't know if i'd have even enjoyed it, and it might have gotten old real quick, but i wish i could have at least tried it. and especially when everyone i work with met their partners and friends at uni, and i'm here doing everything i want to do just on my own because my singular friend doesn't share most of my interests.

but i also know people often exaggerate things on social media, and that lots of people don't share their experiences so i'm not sure whether uni is as fun as it always seems or whether it's just select people only sharing their few good experiences. idk i'm just kind of feeling like my entire life has just passed me by or something idk.

sorry for the dump omg i did not mean to say all that i was just gonna ask the question but lost the plot a bit 😭

i think the thing with uni is that like most things it is what you make of it. its a wonderful opportunity to hang out with people your own age, party and ignore your lectures and make stupid decisions bc youre on your own for the first time, and theres no other situation where youre gonna be so free to do what you want, but even when youre there that opportunitys only there if you take it. i went uni for three years, spent half of it violently depressed and not getting out of bed or doing any work, fucked up my actual degree and left with precisely one friend that im still in contact with. so even if youre in the position to be having the time of your life its very easy to waste it and end up having had no fun at all.

it sounds like you wouldnt have enjoyed the actual studying and what you're envious of is purely the social side. and tbf the social part of it does get old quickly, i spent my entire third year living with my best friend just watching crap tv every night instead of ever leaving the house or seeing anyone else. but also, theres no reason you cant create that social life for yourself! all the parties and that i went to at uni were just club nights in town or occasionally at the student union, you dont have to be invited or know anyone before you go.

and as miserable as it is to do and as trite as it sounds, you can make friends even when you're not forced together by school or uni or student accomodation. coworkers, friends of friends, roommates, online mutuals who don't live hundreds of miles away, you can ask those people to hang out and see where you can get from there. and as much as it sickens me to say bc i sound like my mum, theres always societies and events and stuff you can join if you go looking. most my adult friendships have only stayed in my life bc ive put effort into them and made a point of seeing those people and actively making plans. fucking sucks shit but thats the nature of being an adult, when youre not forced together by circumstance every day you have to cling to every friendship youve got and dig your claws in hard

but i hope you do okay! and i think you will

[jinpanman]

13 for the voice ask 💕💕

13) I’ll talk about my favorite character

okay look. i’m like 2 months late buT THATS BC LIFE TOOK OVER AND ALSO I NEVER GET THE CHANCE TO BE ALONE TO RECORD MYSELF RAMBLING so instead of stalling forever and ever i guess i’ll just have to write it all instead of talk about it in an audio clip. 

i already knew who i was gonna talk about when hana sent this ask in. i told you i was gonna do it hana.

anyway if you haven’t yet, you should read oh what a world. you’ll go on a journey

there’s just something about a redemption fic that makes me wanna climb a mountain and scream and hana does it so well. we’re immediately introduced to park jimin - a guy who’s fucked up in all aspects of life. and i was immediately a goner for him when the opening scene is of him with the man who was once his best friend sob sob sob. you can see how much they love each other, but you can also see how far away they are from each other 😭 and he proves time and time again throughout this series that he’s trying to be better. and repair all the bridges he’s burned. and like im already tearing up thinking about how lonely he’s been for so long :((((((( like my baby don’t even got frens to ask to be his groomsmen like wtf is up with that 😭😭😭 and his strained relationship with his brother who hana just had to make taetae and just seeing them slowly mending their relationship just has me in TEARS sob sob (“While neither admit it, the other’s presence is mutually appreciated amidst the vulnerability of the moment.” from pt 11 SOB SOB). when jimin realizes how little he knows about his brother’s life, his friends’ lives because he’s been so stuck in his own head and he doens’t know how to fix it but he wants to try. i mean sera said it best, right? he has good intentions sometimes he gets lost along the way. and then he meets oc and he’s so blindsighted by these feelings for her but he doesn’t even fight it and he’s living with rose tinted glasses and i know a lot of ppl think of him as naive for that but i dunno, that just makes him all that more endearing. in a world where everyone’s so weary and worn down by love, he’s willing to make it his pillar. he wants love to be enough in a world where everyone perceives love as either a weakness or just not enough. like it’s just so glaringly obvious when it’s their turn to make their speeches in ch 12. he’s so hurt but he’s still so in love and all he wants is for oc to see how special she is and how worthy of love she is even if it’s not from him SOB SOB SOB and like in pt 8 at the beginning it says “He makes it easy.” and like, isn’t that just everything??? when a partner makes it so easy to fall :”(((( that was his goal from the beginning though, wasn’t it? evenbefore he started to like her he wanted to make the transition as easily as possible. his first step towards making it right with everyone and everything in his life. and as easily as he made it for her, oc also made it so easy for him 😭😭 and not even @ how he’s always listening to her and remembering all these things about her. and then how he was willing to lose it all for her 😭😭 LIKE THAT PART WHERE HE TELLS HER IN ADVANCE that he’s going to kiss her in pt 12 and even though he thinks he’ll never be enough- could never compare to him (i refuse to type out his name no way not in this jimin love letter) he’s okay with it. because he loves her. because he’s finally gotten a taste of what it’s like to love someone- to really love someone and now he knows how much it hurts but he wouldnt trade it for the world (“One look at you, and he forgets all the reasons the two of you shouldn’t be together. All he can think about is how he felt when you ran through the doors of the waiting room—safe, relieved, and maybe even loved. And the feeling is addictive.” from pt 9 OSB SOB) and i know the reuploads aren’t all up yet so i wont spoil the ending but i just love owaw!jimin so so much and his final decision and his devotion to his family. also jimin prefers waffles to pancakes so obviously he’s my favorite.

in so many chapters we get to witness jimin growing up and grappling with his regrets and moving forward not just for oc and his friends and his brother but for himself. especially for himself and its just so beautiful and he deserves the world and he got it and i love that for him. in this ted talk i will

[zevlors-tail]

Lonely With You

Pairing: ProHero!Izuku x GN ProHero!Reader

Warnings: Self doubt, self deprecating thoughts/words, cursing, reader is very angry in the beginning and throws something if that’s a trigger for anyone (doesn’t throw it directly at anything or anything in particular), lots of crying on reader’s part, song fic, tooth rotting fluff at the end. <3

A/N: Song fic! Sports by Beach Bunny. I said I couldn’t write shit but here we are. I just one shotted this thing in the span of like 3 hours and in 3 more hours, I have to go into work with no sleep. :’) But really it’s fine bc I had motivation and I DID THE THING. I wrote something I kind of liked! I am obsessed with this song right now, so suffer with me I guess.

The second you stormed into the house and slammed the door shut behind you, Izuku could tell something was off. Sure, you had your bad days, but somehow this was different.

“Hi, love! How was your da-” Before he could even finish, you cut him off with an angry look and a short response.

“Fucking awful. I don’t want to talk about it.”

Izuku knew better than to take your short response personally, though he would be lying if he said it didn’t irk him in the slightest. However, you didn’t curse often, and using the “F” word usually meant you were at your wits end with whatever situation you were dealing with. He watched you as you strode past the kitchen with blind rage and threw down your headpiece to your hero costume. A piece of it actually busted off from how hard you had chucked it across the room, nearly missing his eye as it flew past him and making him visibly flinch. 

Upon seeing his reaction, you immediately stopped in your tracks and snapped out of your fit of anger, concern for your partner taking over you instead. “Shit-! Izu, I’m so sorry, are you alright!?” Tears welled in your eyes as you panicked and checked his face over for any collateral damage, and when you could find none, you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding.

“I’m fine, Y/N. Are...you okay? I know you said you didn’t want to talk about it, but you look really...upset.” He struggled to find the right words for a moment. You looked upset, sure, but it was more than that. There was a foreign look in your eyes he hadn’t seen before, something heavy and dark lurking behind your usually bright orbs. His heart couldn’t help but ache for the look you gave him.

If you feel lonely, I could be lonely with you. Tell me baby, why do you seem so blue?

You broke down in tears within seconds, cries of frustration and anguish clawing their way up from your ribcage to your throat. Today had drained you for all your worth and made you feel utterly exhausted. But if you were being honest, this had been going on much longer than just a day. It just so happened that today’s events had been the last straw for you and left you feeling defeated. Months of self doubt and anxieties were finally catching up to you, and now you were paying the price.

Izuku wrapped his arms around you tightly and held your head to his chest as you hiccuped. “Shhh, it’s okay. I’ve got you.” He nuzzled his face into your hair before pressing a sweet kiss to your crown, his hand sliding to your back to rub comforting circles.

“I’m no good,” you managed between sobs. “I’m a terrible hero, and I should just quit while I’m ahead. I’ll never amount to anything useful. All I do is get in the way and cause problems for others!” You continued to cry while Izuku let you vent, although it took everything he had in him not to interject that all of those things couldn’t be further from the truth.

Why are we so complicated? Maybe love is overrated...

“I’m a failure. I failed my mission and if it wasn’t for Uravity...” You let out a strangled cry as you admitted what was weighing you down so heavily. “They almost died! They almost died, and it would have been all my fault! If I had just pushed myself harder, if I had done more, then- then- then none of this would have happened!” 

“Oh, love...no.”

“I should just do everyone a favor and stop being a Pro. My manager did always say I was better as a sidekick, anyway,” you laughed bitterly at the memory, distracted only for a moment before returning to crying, albeit a little quieter. “I’m ready to give up. Everything I do is wrong... I don’t think I’m cut out for this anymore.”

I’m tired of waiting! I was never good at sports; save the games for the girls on the tennis courts.

Izuku sighed softly before cupping your face in his hands and gazing intently at you. “Y/N Y/L/N, you are not a failure. You are the light of my life and the best thing to have ever happened to me. Do you know that?”

You hesitated a minute while you sniffled and rubbed at your eyes. “Are you sure about that? Because I feel like I’m failing at everything... At being a hero, at being a friend, and at being your partner. I’ve been so stressed out lately that I’ve barely been able to pay attention to you. I’m so sorry, Izuku...” Fresh tears pooled at the corners of your eyes as your self doubt ate at you.

Say you need me, but lately you feel unsure.

“You didn’t let me finish.” 

“Ah, I’m sorry-”

“Nope! No more apologizing, especially when you didn’t do anything wrong.” A small smile found it’s way to his lips as he spoke, “I’ve watched you grow from a student in the hero course with me into the wonderful person and amazing hero you are now, and I want you to know I’m proud of who you’ve become. You’ve been nothing but nice to Uraraka, Iida, and Todoroki, and you’ve done everything you can to support me and be there for me when I need you to be. You cheered me on and pushed me to do better when I felt like giving in so many times. Without you, I wouldn’t be the hero I am today.”

“That’s really flattering, but I think All Might was mostly responsible for making you the hero you are now.”

Come on to me, come on to me...I need more!

Izuku laughed a little as you smiled at your comment, though the pain remained behind your eyes still and his gaze was just as intense as before. He quickly regained composure and continued. “You’re not giving yourself enough credit, love. I was watching the live feed from home while you were on your mission, and from one hero to another, you did all you could with the hand you were dealt in that situation. You can’t place unnecessary blame on yourself for something that’s not your fault. You weren’t a hinder to them, and you didn’t cause them any further problems. I mean, unless you were the one who set the building on fire, but that’s not likely, right?” His teasing tone was meant to lighten the situation, but it seemed to have no affect against the worry and anxiety radiating from you. “Y/N.”

“Hm?” At some point you realized you had zoned out and starting daydreaming about all the possible ways the situation could have gone wrong. Izuku’s voice pulled you back to reality and away from your twisted reverie.

“I love you. It’s okay to feel upset and angry about today, about yesterday, about last month- and especially about that comment your manager made. Which, by the way, we need a new manager for you now, but that’s not the point. I want you to know that I will always be here to support and love you like you’ve supported and loved me. Your friends love you and support you also, you know. Uraraka was just asking me about you yesterday, actually...said you looked a little blue. Oh, and Todoroki wanted me to pass on a message. Something about an angry pomeranian? Are you two making fun of Kaachan again?” He gave you a pointed look.

“Well...yes and no?” You sheepishly grinned and laughed while he just rolled his eyes.

“Anyways, the point I’m trying to make is that you are worth so much more than you think. Your friends love you, I love you, and your fans also love you. You’re more than just a sidekick. You’re an amazing hero and an even better partner to me, and you are not and will never be a failure at any point in time. You did all you could to save those people, and if you hadn’t stepped in when you did, Uravity might not have been able to get to them after all. If you don’t want to be a hero anymore, then of course I’ll support you no matter what, but that’s not really what you want to do, is it?”

Deep down, you knew Izuku was right. There was no way you could step down from being a hero; you loved helping people almost as much as he did. Being a hero was just as much a part of you as your nose or your eyes or your lips. It was a second nature, something you couldn’t just give up on so easily.

“I want to help people and be a hero. I just...lately, I just don’t feel like I’m good enough.” 

You sounded so sad and dejected still, and it absolutely broke his heart. Izuku silently promised himself to do everything in his power to make you believe in yourself again before racking his brain for ideas on how to further cheer you up. When you had bad days, there were certain things he did to comfort you and help you relax, but this seemed to be a bit more serious, and thus, required a more elaborate solution than the normal hot bath and back massage. Maybe...yes, that was perfect! It probably wouldn’t fix the problem long term, but it would be a good start.

“You are good enough, and I will always be here to remind you of that.” He leaned in and gave you a soft kiss. “Come on, let’s go relax in bed. I’ll even give you a ride there if you want.”

Your eyes immediately lit up as he turned around and crouched down so you could climb on to his back. As goofy as he was, you absolutely adored him. “Yes! You’re the best!” You squealed as he lifted you up with ease and locked his arms around the back of your legs to keep you nice and secure while he strode to the bedroom. Once there, he set you down on the bed before putting his plan into motion.

At the foot of your bed, you had a night sky projector that would cast the image of stars and planets onto your ceiling. Izuku had gotten it for you for your last birthday, and you loved it dearly. It made you feel content and relaxed when you were restless. Often times, you used it while you were in the bath or right before bed when you were having a rough night. It was perfect for occasions like this. Choosing the setting with the purple colored lights, Izuku powered it on and the two of you watched as your bedroom lit up all over. It was like you were really in space.

He made his way back to bed where you were currently snuggling into the giant comforter you both shared, a blissful smile on his face at the sight of you. You seemed to be feeling better already; you cuddled up to him as the little spoon as soon as he slid under the covers with you. He made sure to find a comfortable position for the both of you, and with the ambience set, there was only one last thing to do.

“If you feel broken, promise I won’t break your heart. If you shatter, I won’t let you fall apart. Why are we so complicated? Love’s a word I’ve always hated...”

You listened to him sing softly, the words falling from his lips effortlessly as he serenaded you with your favorite melody.

“I’m tired of waiting! I was never good at sports; save the games for the girls on the tennis court. Say you need me, but lately you feel unsure. Come on to me, come on to me, I need more...”

You closed your eyes and slowly drifted away from your worries as he sang. If every night could end like this, then maybe everything would be okay after all.

“It always feel like I need more... Jesus Christ, you’re so confusing! If we keep score, bet my money that I’m losing...”

“I love you.”

“I love you more.”

“No, I love you more.”

You felt his laugh reverberate through his chest as he snuggled closer.

“Go to bed, Y/N.”

“Mmn...”

“If you feel lonely, I could be lonely with you... Tell me, baby, why do you seem so blue?”

[sitp-recs]

Hey liv, I hope you’re doing alright! I just wanna (sorry for how rant-y this might get) say thank you for providing a safe space through your blog when it comes to fandom/ships/kinks. I recently read all the young dudes and really enjoyed it, and as a result started reading wolfstar, just adding another ship to the many I already read lmao. The thing is that I found myself on like the atyd side of tiktok/like a very niche corner of specific wolfstar readers/shippers, and the thing is that some of these people have many thoughts when it comes to rare pairs/ships that are I guess deemed problematic. They make comments like “ugh I’m just trying to find _____ but all the results just show drarry, or kinktober posts, with thousands of reads???? Who even reads that???” And I have to say that I’ve come very far in my journey of not giving a fuck and doing my best to simply enjoy whatever I want to!! But sometimes comments like that really get to me, and make me feel like I’m doing something wrong and I hate it!! Bc like who gives a shit what these people have to say???? And some part of me is like you do :/ so I’ve just started to mark them as not interested, but some still manage to get onto my fyp. Long story to again just say thank you, I like that I can exit that app and come onto this app and encounter blogs like yours, especially yours, and know that there’s people that are so nice in the fandom and are willing to put so much of their time to curate rec lists that are so broad in topics. You really do help me feel okay with exploring different ships/kinks/whatever I want to and not feel (too) guilty. So again sorry for this being so long, but just thank you!! I appreciate you more than you’ll ever know 🥰

Hi anon, sorry for the super late reply! Asks have been piling up and I only got to yours now.

Someone else mentioned tiktok hate (although towards HP fans in general) recently and boy, am I happy for not being there! I’m sorry to hear these awful comments are getting to you. It’s completely normal to feel let down at times, you shouldn’t feel bad or embarrassed for being affected - we’re real people with real feelings, we are not supposed to be 24/7 strong and handle everything all the time. But when this sense of inadequacy or disenchantment hits with more intensity, I want you to remember that being an asshole and going after people who think differently is not on us, it’s on them. The day I am purposefully cruel with the sole intent of attacking someone else, that’s when I’ll feel ashamed of myself.

Until then I try to take care of my mental health by staying as far away from fandom hate as I can - it’s not always under our control and that is something we have to learn how to deal with, as well. Personally, I am a non-confrontational type. It works for me because I don’t have the time or energy to invest in online drama; these people don’t even know me and I owe nothing to them. I just wanna stay in my land, do the things I love and bring me joy, try to spread the love within the Drarry community the best way I can.

When I created the blog, I decided that this will be my focus; every little thing that gets in the way of my positive fandom experience is superfluous and will only get the amount of attention and energy I want to give it, if I so desire. Sometimes it’s easier said than done, especially if you’re close friends with someone who shares that kind of mentality (which makes it a good time to re-evaluate such friendships, imo) but let’s live one day at a time and trust our safe and welcoming spaces to provide all the solace we need when things get hard! You can count on my blog for that. Stay safe! ❤️

[polyamorouspunk]

Ramblings about my concert

General topics include things like social isolation n gender n social roles n system stuff n shit

SO

Where do I even start? I guess I’ll just write what comes to mind so no promises for continuity especially in terms of positive and negative stuff.

Right now I’m just dealing with the fact I had the best night of the last few years of my life where I had friends, like actual friends for the first time since moving down here and finally feeling like I really belonged and was valued some place and now it’s all gone. Even when I went to pride and handed out bracelets I walked up to people and they said hi and thanked me and walked away. I was all by myself and I honestly didn’t make any friends. The one person who truly talked to me was an older butch lesbian who said I see what you’re doing and it’s kind of you. And like she told me her name and we shook hands and like… I felt seen. And I felt so seen last night in a way I haven’t felt in so long I’m literally about to cry okay.

So I got to the venue at like 3:15 because we only have one car so my mom drove me and just hung out in the area doing things. I’ve gone on longer drives with my partner without her but I think still a part of it was it’s a late night (we got home at 12:45am) and she wanted to make sure I was safe, because like… I’m 22 but still treated as the child of the family which is fine but it’s true. Like 2 years ago my mom literally like told my brother to walk me across the road and I’m like I’m fucking 20 years old-But anyway yeah got there at 3:15 I was like the 7thish person in line. I looked around and I mean I literally told my mom I was just going to go sit on the curb and listen to a podcast. I put my earbuds in and the HOTTEST FUCKING GUY and his little brother (going to refer to them as K and A bc they’re relevant) came up in line behind me. K started talking to the people around me so I pulled my earbuds out and actually talked. I talked to the 5 people around me (K, A, an active service member, and another guy) for over an hour and a half. We literally just shot the shit for hours talking about everything and anything.

Eventually they pulled us into a VIP line where the other guy, K, A, me, and a girl dressed as Chucky (we’ll call her 217 bc that’s her username?) we’re the first 5 people in line respectfully (notice how they were behind me… and then they were in front of me… but okay…) meaning that we literally got To The Front Of The Stage.

Band played trivia with the VIP group (we lost- shocker) and then did a Q&A before giving us early access to the merch table. I asked K, A, and 217 if they wanted to go to the merch line and 217 said she was good so K, A, and I went and got in line. By this point it’s been like 2 hours of us talking nonstop and K turns to me and was like hey… if anything happens to me, can you keep an eye on A? And I was like of course I was planning on it anyway. A is 15 and in high school and it was his first concert and K was his wanna-be bad boy older brother (who mind you, was STILL the hottest fucking guy).

However by this point my praternal instincts kicked in and my “I need to adopt all weird emo children” over-rid my “this guy is really hot and I want to make out with him” instinct because K kept talking over A and I could tell A never really got a word in because his brother was just so much more confident, and so I focused on A and really listened to what he had to say and we became fast friends. Before the 3rd band even went on we were speaking in unison roasting K. He was like I feel so ganged up on and it was like yeah because you’re the confident one who we can joke about.

217 had actually saved our spots for us?? Which was like amazing because like idk we only talked to her for like half an hour?

K (23) was 100% smitten with 217 (27), which, like, listen apparently I also have a thing for girls dressed as Chucky because she is NOT the first girl dressed as Chucky I have stared at nonstop… which brings me into a whole nother world of “Do I Actually Like Girls Or Is Savvy Just Here™️” which… is bothering me a bit, tbh. And speaking of that A referred to me as she/her the whole time which I didn’t have the heart to correct him on but I did introduce myself as “Sav”. He thought I said Seth and I was like uh no my name is Savanna but Sav is a bit more gender neutral. Anyway, K was like so do you have an Instagram and I turned to talk to just him and I’m like she literally just said she’s DMing the lead singer, you don’t stand a fucking chance. They did trade instagrams and I followed her on the band’s social media app. In theory I could get A and K’s instagrams from her, but also I didn’t ask for A and K’s info myself because like… I just didn’t know, man. I mean I spilled everything to A because we just talked for hours and like… my Instagram is Savvy’s. Like. I talked about being cottagecore as well and like no one really got it… like idk. And now I think I’m still present enough that like scrolling through my dash I was kind of like cringe at all the cottagecore content we follow and my brain was like fuck this I should make my main account more like this because this is what we’re (I’m?) really into right now but that also doesn’t seem fair to Savvy. She’s put a lot of work into her cottagecore content. I guess I just don’t vibe with it right now.

So yeah I adopted A as my new child and fell back into that “mother-son” friendship role I had with my emo friends in high school and then… I got adopted by the hottest guy in the world minus the lead singer of the band who was… literally a year older than me… because… I related more to his 15 year old brother in high school than… someone my own age…

He was like lol I’m going through a divorce don’t get married and 217 was like same and I’m like ? I’m a child ? My mom drove me here ? My mom is driving me home ? Which I did NOT say because that’s embarrassing but 😓 yeah

Idk what else to say. The band was good. 217 wasn’t kidding when she said she was buddy-buddy with the lead singer. I liked her for the most part except at the end he threw her a water bottle and the people behind us caught it and she turned around and was like “he was giving that to me” at them which felt like… idk a little entitled? And like I was worried about being a weird fan“girl” but this 27 y/o was literally like *fixes her hair* haha yeah me and the lead singer DM on the down-low *bats her eyelashes* which like… she was pretty. And once again I see a girl dressed as Chucky and I feel out of place with my short hair and weird gender and just… I miss feeling pretty and like… getting attention from really hot 23 y/o guys because I… look trans… I feel like I can’t win.

There was another person K started talking to who gave me major trans vibes and they were also super fanish. Me and A were kind of just chilling and casually nodding and headbanging. We didn’t jump around and mosh. I don’t jump/mosh because my boobs are huge and it’s really uncomfortable for me. So like if I get top surgery I probably would… but also like… fuck this sometimes I just want cis guys to look at me and see a hot alt girl because like… idk I see a cis guy and I think he’s hot and I’m like that’s great but he’s not going to date you when you look like a fucking tr*nny… bc you are… god it’s so complicated.

And like yeah… we been knew I have the biggest crush on the lead singer (BECAUSE WHO DOSENT, OKAY? THERE ARE MEMES ABOUT HIM MAKING STRAIGHT MEN QUESTION THEIR SEXUALITY, OKAY?) and like yeah I’m a jealous person seeing him pay a lot of attention to 217 was a bit jealousy inducing especially when this really hot guy who had given me like all his attention and felt like he was trying to impress me turned and did the same to her too… he had a lot more in common with her in terms of like social maturity than I did with either of them. I was on the social maturity level of his 15 y/o brother.

All that depressing stuff aside though, people like… actually complimented me? Talked to me? About things I enjoyed? And I felt more like myself than I have in forever and like… sometimes I think I’ve just become this reserved person who puts on a face and that’s true, and I think that’s the new “real me” (hate that phrase for so many reasons) but then I get a taste of the vibrant person I used to be and I just crave it… I was a social butterfly even as a weird nuerodivergent outcast. I thrived in high school. It was when I hit college and I didn’t know anyone I started closing up and keeping to myself because I suddenly lost all my friends and the people I related to. And my family is great, and I mean they support me 100% but I just… can’t talk and act like myself around them. At work I barely say anything. Talking to my family I love them but I’m clearly the odd one out. Half my wardrobe is Van Gogh yellow shirts and denim overalls and rainbow striped shirts if someone who has like artsy tumblr gay fashion… and that’s me too… I do feel at home in clothes like that… but idk. It’s like that’s Savvy, the Savvy that should have been, the “ideal girl version” of the “weird girl” and I’m just the last trappings of holding onto our emo phase… I liked moving down here. I got to reinvent myself. I finally felt comfortable enough in my gender and body to wear girls clothes. To wear something other than oversized black t-shirts from Hot Topic. A box I felt like I had been packed into by those around me. And going back home and wearing my beachcore clothes I just feel… cool. I feel like a fresh new me. Like a less depressed and happier tropical version of me. But yeah I 100% bought 3 shirts last night and my room is littered with band merch now…

I feel really alone back at my house sitting alone in my house the same I’ve been doing literally since I moved down here literally since I graduated high school.

At least once high school was over and I stopped spending every day with my best friends I’d know since I was 5 and 8 I could call my boyfriend to come over and be depressed with me… like it’s a lot less depressing cooking toast for every meal and watching Netflix for 6 hours straight when you’re with someone… now I just do it by myself.

And getting a job was supposed to up my social interaction and make me less depressed but… idk. Going to work I wear polo shirts that make me look like a 14 y/o boy and then I wear an apron over it like a housewife. Like I work at a store geared towards upper middle class white people and I’m… me. I’m going to start wearing the necklace I got from the VIP to work. I like wearing polos. It makes me feel a lot more masc or at least gender neutral. I like wearing my mustard yellow long sleeves and overalls and being cottagecore and sitting in the grass and baking cookies and bread and making soup. I like wearing my pastel pink skirt and my strawberry milk shirt with my strawberry milk socks and hair ribbons and milk bag. I like wearing shirts with hot men dismembering people on them with ripped black skinny jeans and really big stompy boots. I like wearing my FFA shirt with a pair of Levi’s jeans and a good pair of steel-toed work boots. I love all these things so much that I never really feel like I belong in any one fully because they’re all so different. I get weird looks at the metal concert for talking about how much I love cottagecore. I get people weirded out by me talking about true crime and blood and gore because that’s “edgy” and that space is for “wholesome” things. I literally was an FFA student for 4 years and worked on many farm situations but like I wore band shirts and black ripped skinny jeans to class and like AG is kind of geared towards cishet farm kids… And because of that I just separate myself into these… personalities… because it’s easier to say “hello I’m Savvy and I like cottagecore”, “hello I’m Tillian and I like true crime”, “hello I’m Punk and I like heavy metal music”, and “hello I’m Will and if I could have one wish it would be to basically be Aragorn from Lord of the Rings” instead of… I’m me, and I’m all these things, and these things don’t cancel each other out or make me any less valid in any of these spaces: in fact it makes me stronger and more diverse.

And honestly? When I really feel like my truest “self” I feel like there were never more than one of us to begin with: it was just me, only me, all along.

[housewarningparty]

7 for LiS, ship of your choice.

god i went through like 3 drafts of this bc i’ve got a lot to say about trust as a theme in my lis ships, i guess. in the interest of finishing something in one sitting, i went w something simple.

“Just trust me,” Chloe says, fingers brushing the underside of Max’s wrist as she withdraws her grip.

“I’m just,” Max can keep the tremble out of her hands (for now) but not quite her voice. She cuts herself off with a sharp breath, counts a beat in her head, then two, then three and let’s herself continue, steadier. “I don’t wanna mess up. Or-or hurt you...”

“You won’t. Max, this isn’t, like, my first time.”

“It’s not?” This is news to Max, who had never exactly pictured Chloe having done this, like, a lot.

“No. I mean, the first time, I did it myself. And then, later, Rachel...”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, I’ll show you pictures later. But, like, point is, you can totally do this.”

“Yeah, Max,” Rachel pipes up through a mouthful of smoke someplace behind them. Max twists around to see her sprawled languidly on the floor, one hand propping up her head, the other holding a joint to her lips. She smiles that lazy, hungry smile that turns Max’s stomach to butterflies, and nods toward them. “I already got her like, 90% of the way there. You just need to finish her off.”

At this, Max blushes again, all the way up to her ears and turns back to Chloe, who flashes her a grin.

It’s not like Rachel watching makes this any easier. Especially not now, not knowing that she and Chloe have already done this before. That Rachel and Chloe are both going to be able to tell if she’s doing it wrong, if she fucks it up.

“Max,” Chloe says, voice low, pitched just for her.

When she meets Chloe’s eyes this time, they’re bright and full of love, that sharp twist of her mouth has faded to something gentler, more tender. 

“Look, you don’t have to,” Chloe says, soft and Max knows she means it. ”I didn’t think it’d freak you out and--”

“No, it’s okay,” Max says, tightening her grip on the handle of the device, adjusting the angle of her hand. She slides the power button on with her thumb and the buzzing in her hand matches the buzzing of her nerves. But Rachel’s eyes on her back are warm and confident. And Chloe’s shoulder under the palm of her other hand is familiar, a little sweat-damp, totally relaxed.

The first pass of the clippers shears off a wide swath of light brown hair. Logically, Max knew this would happen, but she can’t help the way she yelps and jumps back a little.

Chloe laughs and swipes an arm out behind her until she grabs first Max’s ass, then her hip, and drags her back closer. “Max, relax, it’s literally impossible to fuck up a buzz cut.”

“You say that, but what if I’m the first?” Max mutters, letting out a deep sigh and gamely sliding closer to Chloe, who squeezes her hip again in response. “Stop squirming.”

“Stop sliding away from me,” Chloe says, still facing away but Max can hear the pout in her voice.

“Shut up,” Max says, leaning her whole body into Chloe’s back, taking momentary advantage of her height advantage while Chloe sits on a stool in her backyard, to press a wet kiss to the side of Chloe’s head.

It relaxes them both. Chloe settles back into her seat, hands folded obediently in her lap and Max resumes her work the the clippers, more prepared for the results on her next pass.

It’s nice out, still early enough to not be too hot, but late enough for the neighborhood to feel alive. There’s birds chirping, and, down the street, the sound of kids playing in their yards, the distant spurt of lawn sprinklers, and the low hum of calm traffic.

The world gets smaller. Just this backyard that she spent half her childhood in. Just Rachel on a beach towel on the concrete behind them, sunning herself and humming along to a Jane’s Addiction song on the radio. Just the clippers in her hand, Chloe’s head rolling pliantly on her neck when Max tips her this way and that with the gentlest suggestion of her fingers. The bead of sweat that rolls down the side of her neck that Max surprises herself by wanting to lean forward and catch with her tongue. 

It doesn’t take all that long before she’s done. Rachel had done the work of cutting Chloe’s hair short with scissors before passing the clippers to Max and asking her to finish the job. Max slides the power off on the clippers and finds herself almost disappointed to end the peaceful limbo they’d drifted into. Feels herself suddenly sentimental about the surprising tenderness of the moment, this new way for Chloe to put herself into Max’s hands and say: I’m yours, I know you’ll take care of me.

Max sets the clippers down, grabs a clean washrag from the pile they’d brought out and tips about half of her water bottle onto it. She doesn’t rush, dragging the wet terry cloth across Chloe’s scalp and neck, cleaning up the stray hairs that have fallen.

Chloe shivers and makes that little sound in her throat that Max loves, that one that’s almost like a purr, leaning back into Max’s touch. “Feels good.”

And this time Max doesn’t stop herself, drapes the washrag over Chloe’s shoulder and leans forward, wraps her arms around Chloe’s front and dips her head to kiss Chloe’s neck, her jaw.

Chloe’s hand immediately cups the back of Max’s head, weaving fingers through her hair, tugging just a little. Encouraging.

And it’s an awkward angle but Max pulls back, tilts Chloe’s face to hers and meets her halfway.

Chloe’s kiss is bright, brilliant sunlight. It’s summer, warm and open, on Max’s lips and under the pads of her fingers.

It’s the smell of chlorine and fresh cut grass and the buzz of hair clippers and the chime of a distant ice cream truck and waves of heat rolling off the pavement and days so long and wide open they feel endless.

Max pulls back, lets Chloe swivel in place until she’s dragging Max down into her lap, kissing the laughter right out of her mouth. Max runs her hands through the short prickly hair along Chloe’s scalp. “Wow.”

“Wow,” Chloe grins, kissing her again, hungry.

“I did that,” Max murmurs, fascinated with the sensation of Chloe’s shorn hair against the skin of her palms. “I can see your ears.”

She drags her fingers down the shell of Chloe’s ear, to toy with the lobes gently, delighting in Chloe’s answering shiver, the renewed eagerness of her kiss at the sensation.

“Not so bad, huh?” Chloe mumbles into Max’s mouth and then pulls back to grin again. “How do I look?”

“Not bad at all,” Max agrees, cupping Chloe’s head again. “You look good, Chloe. Beautiful.”

There’s something shyer, sweeter in Chloe’s next kiss. Max is grateful to receive it, teases it out gently between them. The sun beats down, rays falling into them, and Max knows that together under skies like these they will grow and grow and grow.

[yikesharringrove]

What if Billy did l leave to Cali and moved in with his old friend, the guy who was kind of his boyfriend before Neil dragged him to Hawkins. After couple of years of him living there, they would go out to a bar with Billy’s old friends and him and the guy would kinda have this fwb thing going on. But then, Billy sees Steve. The guy he had a crush on before he decided he wasn’t good enough for him and left after a night where he had finally fucked Steve senseless —

Pt. 2. Billy would be shocked to see him and before he realizes, Steve’s already coming towards their table. He has came with one of Billy’s friends, Steve being that guys date. There would be some confusion and jealousy from both of them, but they would still end up fucking after the night. (lmao i’m sorry that this is long)

-

This is from forever ago, I’m sorry it took me a thousand years.

It doesn’t actually have smut, bc where I went with it, it just didn’t feel like it fit, I’m sorry about that.

-

“Billy, we haven’t gone out in like, a month.” Billy rolled his eyes.

“We went out last weekend, you little baby.” He pushed at Danny’s face. “Git outta here you monster, and maybe I’ll consider meeting you there.”

“Kyle is bringing that guy he’s been dating.”

“And?”

“I was talking to Andie, and she said he’s totally not Kyle’s type. Apparently he’s like, super femme.” Kyle was known for going for absolute macho douchebags. “So we’ll get to meet him, and totally make fun of Kyle for whatever he’s tryna do, changin’ everything up like this.”

Billy threw his head back, groaning at the ceiling.

“Fucking fine. But if he’s an asshole, like Kyle’s guys always fucking are, I’m leaving.”

-

They met the rest of the gang at the bar, pushing through the small crowd to reach the large table they had claimed. Billy greeted his friends, elbowing Kyle a few times and asking where his new honey is.

“He’s getting us drinks, lay off.” Kyle shoved Billy away, made him bark a laugh. he turned around, was going to head for the bar, but stopped in his fucking tracks.

Steve fucking Harrington was making his way towards him, a drink in each hand.

He hadn’t seen Steve since the night he left Hawkins four years ago.

They had been moving towards something for months, had finally fell into one another, having a night of the most tender sex Billy has ever had in his entire fucking life. Steve had looked at him with those big perfect eyes, and had told Billy he loved him.

Billy left when Steve fell asleep, packed up his car and didn’t stop driving until he reached the Pacific.

Steve spotted him, stopping in his tracks, glaring at Billy. He stomped forward, pushing a drink into Kyle’s hand.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Everyone turned to look at Steve when he spat that at Billy.

“Meeting my friends. Why are you here, Harrington?” Steve gestured lamely at Kyle.

“You two know each other?” Kyle looked at Billy with wide eyes.

“Yeah. Remember when I lived in that shitty hick town for two years? Steve is from there.” Steve looked livid. “Good for you for getting out, Pretty Boy.”

“You’re a real piece of shit, you know that, right, Hargrove?” Everyone was watching with wide eyes as the two went back and forth, heads turning like they were watching a tennis match.

“What the fuck did I do?” Steve’s eyes seemed to crackle.

“You know what the fuck you did. You couldn’t’ve even bothered to say goodbye? Had to run away like that?”

“Wait, did you two fuck?” They both ignored Danny.

“I had to get out, Harrington. You don’t know shit about me.” Steve’s eyes narrowed. Billy admired the pretty eyeshadow on them.

“Max told me everything. I knew it all. You’re just a fucking coward that couldn’t take the fact you felt the same way.” Everybody had lost the conversation, couldn’t derive enough from the fight to figure out exactly what had happened between these two.

“I was saving you from yourself, Pretty Boy. I was always gonna leave. Better right away than let you get your hopes up.” Steve stamped his foot.

“My fucking hero.” He picked up one of the drinks he had brought, chugging it down before slamming the glass back onto the table, grabbing Kyle’s hand. “We’re dancing.” He turned to Billy. “Don’t fucking talk to me tonight.”

They disappeared back into the crowd. Billy made his way to the bar, downing two shots right after the other.

“You used to date him, or something?” Billy shook his head, not looking at Danny.

“Nah. I fucked him once and he told me he loved me. I packed up and left the next day.”

“Wait, you only fucked once and he said that?” Billy slammed another shot.

“We were friends, I guess. He had a thing for me, and I just wanted some ass.” That was a complete lie, but Danny didn’t need to know the sweet warmth that had settled in Billy’s gut when Steve said he loved him, how badly he wanted to say it back, how he had gotten scared and made the stupidest decision he had ever made.

“And then you left without saying goodbye?” Billy nodded. “That’s kinda fucked up.” Billy just stared at him.

“What?”

“You knew the guy was into you, and you just dicked him and ditched him without saying goodbye. That’s fucked, Billy.”

“I don’t need this from you. You do not understand what that fucking town was like for me.”

“No, I understand perfectly. You’re a bigger asshole than I thought.” Danny shook his head. Heading back to the table. Billy downed two more shots.

-

His head was fuzzy as he stumbled into the alleyway for some fresh air.

He tried a few times to light a cigarette when he heard a quiet sniffle.

He turned to see Steve leaning against a wall further down the alley.

“You okay?” Steve stiffened.

“What’s it matter to you?” Billy shrugged.

“If Kyle tried anything-”

“Oh, shut up. He dumped me because of you.” Billy took a few unbalanced steps towards him.

“‘Do you mean?”

“He asked about what happened, and I told him. How you led me on for over a year, how you would let me open up to you, let me cry and feel insecure and would tell me that I was enough the way I am, how you fucked me and ran away the next day, didn’t even bother to call or even write for four years.” Steve had silvery tears running down his cheeks now, illuminated by the streetlights. “How I waited for you, like a fucking idiot before letting myself move on.” He wiped his eyes. “God, I told myself I was done crying over you.”

“Steve, I didn’t mean to-”

“Doesn’t matter. You still did it.” Billy’s heart sank. Steve looked fucking broken in front of him.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have run like I did. Especially, especially because you’re right. I was scared of how much I felt for you. Scared that if I let myself love you, I would’ve stayed in Hawkins forever. Would’ve never gotten out from under my dad’s thumb.”

“Bill,” Billy’s heart fluttered at the way Steve’s voice sounded when he said his name like that, was immediately transported to late nights sitting in his car overlooking the quarry. “I would’ve left with you. I didn’t like it there, either. I would’ve left with you.”

“I was an idiot. Still am sometimes. But I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry for dragging you into my mess. You deserve a lot better than me.” Steve took a shaky breath.

“Y’know, it still sucks. After all these years of telling myself I hate you for what you did, standing here with you, I still-I mean I could never hate you.”

“You wanna come back to my place? Nothing implied, just to talk. Catch up.” Steve chewed on his bottom lip. His lipstick was a pretty deep red.

“Sure. We can, we can catch up.”

Billy led him the few blocks back to his two-bedroom he shares with Danny. He grabbed them each a beer while Steve studied the pictures tacked to the walls.

“Are you two together?” He pointed tot the picture, one of many, of Billy and Danny at the beach, arms around one another.

“Nah. We live together, and we fuck sometimes, but neither of us would be good in a relationship together.” Steve just nodded. “You date much?”

“Not back in Hawkins. I spent about a year there after you left. Robin graduated and moved out here, and I moved into a shitty apartment in Hawkins until she finished her first year and moved out of the dorms. I live with her now. She’s helped me embrace myself more.”

Billy remembers a night when he and Steve got drunk in Steve’s bedroom, how he’d found some dresses in Steve’s closet, the way he’d broken down and cried and said that he just liked to feel pretty, that sometimes he didn’t even feel like a boy.

Billy had held him all night. Bought him some makeup from the drugstore the next day. Probably shitty stuff, but Steve had looked at it like it was made of gold.

“I’m happy for you. I’m glad you get to be yourself here.” Steve sat down next to him on the ratty couch, leaving a solid two feet of space between them.

“You seem a lot happier out here. Like, you just seem lighter.”

“I am so much happier here.” Steve’s smile was tight, a little bitter. “I just mean, without my dad here, I’ve been going to therapy, and I have this support group for queer abuse survivors, and I’m just not angry all the fucking time like I used to be.”

“I’m proud of you.”

Billy had forgotten.

He’d forgotten that Steve had this lovely way of saying something simple and making it the best thing that’s Billy’s ever heard. Making billy realize he’d never heard that simple thing said to him before.

He didn’t even think.

Just leaned across the space and kissed Steve.

he pushed him away.

“Billy, I won’t let you do this again. It took me years to get over what you did. You can’t just kiss me and think it’s all okay.”

“I’m sorry, Steve.” Steve shook his head, went to get up off the couch. Billy grabbed his wrist. “You know, I wanted to say it back that night.”

“Don’t say that.” Steve’s voice was small.

“I did. I felt that same. But I got fucking scared. And I left and I shouldn’t have.”

“Yes, you should have. We just established that you’re doing better here!”

“But I could’ve held out a little longer, long enough that you could’ve come with me.” Steve finally turned to look at him.

“Billy, you did what you had to do. I forgave you a long time ago. When I first saw you tonight I was just, it made me remember the hurt.”

“I know I hurt you. And I’m so fucking sorry.” Steve blinked at him.

“You get one chance. One more chance. Do it for real. Take me out on a date. I want the whole nine. Pick me up, tell me I’m pretty, take me somewhere inexpensive but nice, hold my hand, kiss me on my doorstep, all of it.” Billy just nodded.

“I’ll do it. I’ll do anything. Whatever you want.”

Steve smiled at him, turning over his hand to hold Billy’s.

“Then pick me up tomorrow at six. Don’t be late.”

[writingtoforgetreality]

I just want us to be safe – Chapter 1 (Andy Barber x Daughter!Reader)

Next Chapter / I just want us to be safe-Masterlist

Summary: You were the 20-year-old daughter of Andy Barber. Nine months after a one-night-stand, your biological mother decided to give the responsibility to him. Yet, you were happy with your small family. One day, though, a scary event occured & somehow you involuntarily started being a part of this.

Words: 2,089

Warnings: none just yet, maybe a bit of swearing bc that`s me, angst if you squint

If you like my work & wanna support me: a coffee would be highly appreciated ❤

You were (Y/N) Barber. Daughter of the assistent attorney, Andy Barber. You were 20 years old & used to attend Newton high school, like your younger brother Jacob did. Now, your background is a bit more complicated. Technically, Jacob was not your biological brother. Neither was Laurie, Jacob’s mother & Andy’s wife, your biological mother. Some time ago, when your dad had not been dating Laurie yet, he had a one-night-stand with some girl he had met at a bar. Just one night, he had not seen her after that encounter. What he did not know though: the girl got pregnant & nine months later, Andy found a small basket at his doorstep. There you were, wrapped in a blanket. There was a letter, too. Your biological mother had not been ready for a child but she knew Andy would handle you just fine. And, being the guy Andy was, he obviously took you in. You were his daughter to say the last. He made sure to take a paternity test & yep, you were his daughter.

Now, do not get me wrong, you grew up with Laurie being your mother & yet, you had never, not even once, called her “mom“. You simply did not feel ready to do so & neither your dad nor Laurie pushed you into something you were not comfortable with. When you were 6 years old, Jacob was born & ever since then, you had made sure to protect him at all costs. Your dad loved seeing you with Jacob & he loved the bond you two shared. Laurie was sure that you would be more open about her being your mother after that but nope. Your guess was that you still felt neglected by your biological mother & did not want to let another “mother figure“ get close to you. Your dad never lied to you about anything. He tried to explain to you from the very beginning how your biological mother “abandoned“ you & that Laurie was & will always be your mom. While Andy did not lie to you, the two of you had kept a secret from Jacob & Laurie. Your dad said that they did not need to know & he did not want them to see him in a different light. It was not his fault that his dad had been a criminal though. It was not his fault your grandfather killed, stabbed to be exact, a girl. He had been suffering for his actions in jail, for a very long time. You had agreed on keeping it for you, never doubting your dad. You knew he only had good intentions.

After graduating from Newton High, you got into law school near your home. You wanted to follow your dad’s footsteps. He did not force you to approach the same career & let you choose a path yourself. He would lie if he said that he was not proud of you for wanting to do the same as him though. Law school was absolutely amazing, you loved going there every day, loved coming home to tell the new things you learned at your dinner table. People say sometimes you know when a decision is right, you have a gut feeling about it. You were sure: this was YOUR way. Even though your family was quite wealthy, never having a problem about money whatsoever, you still wanted to have a part-time job during college. Earning your own money simply felt amazing. Your dad & Laurie were so proud of you for being so independent.

Here you were, a nice family, a house, the best future ahead. But life does not always roll that way, does it? Every time when Jacob had a problem in school or with homework, studying for an upcoming exam, he would knock on your door, waiting for you to yell “Come in! I told you there’s no need to knock, Jay.“ Jay. You always called him that. He was your little brother & while others called him “Jake“ or simply “Jacob“, you wanted to have something for yourself. Jay it was. Anyway, after coming into your room, asking if you were busy, the two of you always ended up doing school stuff together. It was more fun to have company & Jacob was always thankful for you helping him out. Of course you would, you never had a problem in high school, always bringing home good grades. You liked helping him wherever you could.

Your alarm woke you up at 6 am. Time to get up, get ready & head to college. Usually, dad would take you with him in the mornings since his work is close to your school. Today, though, you had to take your own car to drive to school, you had to work at your local diner afterwards. Yes, you did purchase that car on your own. After saving enough money, you decided on a small black car, not really caring too much about the brand. All that mattered was that it was not too pricey & that it worked. Of course your parents offered you to buy you that car but you wanted to do this on your own. And would you look at that, you managed to buy it without being broke. As you finished showering, putting makeup on & deciding on an outfit, you made your way downstairs where dad & Jacob were already seated. Laurie was most likely out on her daily morning run. You did not understand how someone could go jogging voluntarily. It kept you healthy but at what cost?

“G’morning male beings of this household.“ you greeted them & earned a chuckle from dad. You were not a morning person but that was not your family’s fault so you would brush off your grogginess in order not to say something you might regret later. Jacob was busy writing away on his phone. Gosh, this boy & his damned phone.

“Good morning, angel. How did you sleep?” your dad shot you a grin. He had been calling you “angel“ ever since you were little & you absolutely loved this nickname.

“Like a princess, as always.“ you answered. Some might say you were a sarcastic piece of shit & you know what, maybe they were right. You were a lot like your dad & you liked yourself & your goofiness. You could be serious when it was needed though, your personality was perfectly balanced.

“Hello? Earth to Jay?“ you waved your hand in front of his face to gain his attention but his eyes were glued on his screen still.

“Morning.“ was the only word you got out of him.

“Okay, what girl are you texting? Do I know her? Does she have an older sister? Brother, maybe? Is she hot?“ you teased him & Jacob sent you a glare which made you giggle.

“I’m just texting Derek.“ Jacob stated.

“Wow…And I thought I was the one who hated mornings.“ you stated, mostly to yourself but your dad heard you & started laughing. Even Jacob let out a low giggle.

While the three of you held a conversation, Laurie got back home, greeting you & asking you about your plans for today.

“Do I need to take any of you to school?“ dad asked.

“Um, actually, I’ll be driving myself today. I’ll be back home a bit later, gotta earn that bread, y’know?“ you smirked at both, your dad & Laurie to wait for their reactions. Seeing them laugh was one of your favorite things in this world, especially when you were the reason.

“Sure thing, just text me when you know how late it’ll be.“ dad waited for you to nod, looked at Jacob & asked “What about you, buddy?“

“I’ll be walking today.“

“You sure, you know it’s no probl-” but before dad could finish, Jacob cut him off.

“I’m fine with walking.“

“Okay, just be safe.“

Checking the time, you saw that you should keep going so you went over to dad & Laurie, gave each of them a kiss on the cheek, went over to Jacob, messed up his hair a bit which earned you a groan & finally made your way outside to your car. You hopped in, turned on the engine & started driving off. Every time you would drive yourself, you always stopped at Starbucks for a quick breakfast. Your breakfast mostly consisted of a nice coffee. No offense, but the coffee you got at home just was not it. And let’s be honest: Nobody survives college without having coffee.

Finishing all of you classes for the day, you & a few of your colleagues exited the building. Usually, when you were at college, you did not look at your phone at all, finding it too distracting when you had to focus on something else. But as soon as you unlocked your phone, you knew something was off. You had two calls from Jacob, which was weird since he barely ever called you, & 5 missed calls from dad. Fuck, something was not right. You excused yourself from your friend group, teling them you had to go to work earlier, while in reality, you moved to your car, opened it & got inside. As soon as you closed your door, you called Jacob first. He picked up almost immeadiately.

“(Y/N)? Thank god, I’ve tried calling you.“ he sounded a bit shaken up? That was off.

“Yeah, I know, sorry `bout that, Jay. You know how I ignore my phone during classes but anyway…What’s up? Are you okay?” you started growing concerned now.

“Newton High is locked down. Apparently they found a 14-year-old stabbed in the woods. I am fine though.“ his voice was quiet, almost like he did not want anyone else to hear. Your heart stopped a beat. There was a killer running around town. Who the hell would stab a teenager? Who the hell would stab anyone to begin with?

“Have you talked to dad yet?“ you really did not know what else to say. You were just glad your little brother was alright. That was all that mattered right now.

“Yes, he’s on it. He said he wanted to call you. Have YOU talked to him?“

“Not yet, I’ll call him now, just wanted to make sure you’re okay. Call me if something’s wrong or if you`re scared, okay?“ your heart was literally racing. Yeah, your brother was fine but the victim was his age & Jacob usually took the way through the woods to get to school. The mere thought of your brother being the one who had been murdered scared you like crazy.

“Will do. Thanks, (Y/N). Bye.“

“Bye, Jay.“ you ended the call & let yourself breathe for a moment. Not even once in your life did you think something like this could happen in your neighborhood. You lived in one oft he safest areas in the country & yet this brutal event had happened so close to home. The world was a scary place. A few minutes later, after calming down as good as it was possible, you dialed dad’s number. He would most likely knew more. To be honest, you were not sure if you really wanted to know more about this case but on the other hand,you were curious. Of course you were, you wanted to do this as your future job. His phone rang twice before he picked up.

“(Y/N)? Angel?“ he did not sound scared, just relieved to hear your voice.

“Yeah, it’s me, dad. I’m fine, talked to Jay. He told me what happened. Well, as much as he knew, of course. What the hell is going on?“ you were rambling. You always were when you grew nervous or anxious.

“Breathe, angel. Look, there’s a lot going on. Could you come home, like, right now? I called your boss, she said it was fine if you took the evening off.“ he knew you would say you needed to go to work so he had called the diner you worked at to explain the situation.

“I’ll be home in ten.“

“Drive safe.“ your dad always made sure you were okay, trying to protect you as much as he could. He would do everything for his family to be safe.

“Always.“ & with that, you ended the call. Everthing inside you screamed to go over the speed limit but your dad’s words popped into your mind again. He would not want this. You would survive another ten minutes before coming home.

~to be continued~

Published 04/30/2020 by Cathy